Memo to Johnson County Water District #1

RE: Billing correction

Dear sirs,

This memo is to inform you of a billing error that our accounting department has discovered and the corrective measures our organization has undertaken.

It turns out that our residence is actually not part of Johnson County, or Kansas or even the United States. Our residence is, in fact located in a third-world country with no hot or cold running water.

We haven't yet isolated which third-world country we are part of, but we have ruled out places like Baghdad and Mexico City, as these places both have reliable running water. We are currently working under the assumption that we are part of deepest Africa or perhaps the steppes of Outer Mongolia.

Though we haven't been able to work out the exact details of this strange phenomenon, our current theory is that there is some kind of quantum glitch in the fabric of time-space that has caused our residence to be accessible only via Johnson County roads and highways even though its not located in Johnson County.

We became aware of this issue when we discovered that we had no hot or cold running water, despite paying taxes to Johnson County Water District No. 1. Because of the ongoing nature of this problem, the obvious conclusion is that we are not in Johnson County Water District No. 1.

Because we are not within the service limits of Johnson County Water District No. 1, on a go-forward basis, we will no longer be sending our regular tax payment. I'm sure you understand our position.

If at some point in the future this quantum fluke corrects itself and we begin to receive reliable hot and cold running water service, we will resume tax payments to whichever taxing body is deemed appropriate.

Sincerely,
The Management

tagged: Kansas, Johnson County, water, quantum

Kansas Guild of Bloggers Carnival

Thanks to all who submitted blog articles through the KGB Carnival Submit Link. We'll do it all again next week, so submit your articles/blog posts via the submit link or send me an email via my email address.

Here's this week's round-up.

• John B. riffs on the Smell of the Wild at Blog Meridian.
  
  
• Joshua Rosenau presents Theocracy, naturalism, and preferring what works posted at Thoughts from Kansas.
  
  
• Devang comments on the possible outsourcing of NASCAR at The title conscious blog.
  
  
• John S. Flowers posts his entry to the 98.9 "The Rock" Make-You-Own-Commercial Contest at Lone Ronin.
  
  
• Joshua M. Neff gives a quickie book review at Goblin-Cartoons.
  
  
• At Cup o' Joel, Joel Mathis gives an un-review of United 93, the movie based on the 9/11 attacks.
  
  
• LadyGunn post a reminder to keep you language clean.
  
  And, in its inaugural week, the Honorary Kansas Blogger is (drum roll.....)
  
  
• New Jersey hottie Echele presents Thanks KU posted at The Operating Room.

Well, that's the round-up for this week. Did I miss something? If so, send me a link and I'll add it in. And again, don't forget to submit your posts for next week. You can't win if you don't enter.

Also, don't forget to add your pin to the KGB Frappr Map in the right-hand column. It's fun and easy to do.

Ciao!

PS- Sorry it took so long to post. Blogger has been having server issues again (Grrrr!).

tagged: Kansas, blog, blogger, carnival, KGB

Holl's Lens #1

Matt the Architect came through with more pics of the controversial Steven Holl-designed addition to the Nelson-Atkins Museum of Art.

Previously, I posted some aerial photos of the project, as well as some interior shots I got during a private tour (yes, I am that special).

I really like the sunset picture. Thanks for the new pics, Matt.




tagged: Steven Holl, Nelson Atkins, art, architecture, Kansas City, museum

The KGB is calling

Holy shnikees, it has been a crazy busy week, and there are a number of topics I've wanted to post on but just haven't had the time.

But I did want to put out the call once again to bloggers who live in Kansas, who once lived in Kansas, who have a relative in Kansas, who have driven through or flown over Kansas, or who have simply blogged about Kansas to get your submission in to the Kansas Guild of Bloggers Blog Carnival by 3 p.m. on Sunday.

I'll post this weekly round-up of Kansas bloggers on Monday, so submit your articles/blog posts via the submit link or send me an email via my email address.

This week, one lucky blogger will be chosen as Honorary Kansas Blogger of the Week, so tune in Monday to find out who the lucky blogger is.

See you soon, and keep blogging.

tagged: Kansas, blog, blogger, carnival, KGB

Highs and Lowes

The new Lowes store on the north end of Roe Avenue is having its grand opening this week, and I couldn't be more stoked.

Before this store opened, the nearest Lowes was in O-freakin'-lathe, a half-hour drive from my house. Of course there was the Home Depot store in Merriam, a mere 10-minute drive, but this new Lowes is only about 5 minutes away. Ain't capitalism great?

This is a good example of redevelopment gone right. The new Lowes sits on the location of what used to be a post-apocalyptic wasteland that formerly had a grimy grocery store and a bunch of vacant building.

Here's a picture:


But with the opening of the new Lowes and the spectacular Price Chopper food market, the area is thriving. Many smaller stores are opening alongside it.

My only beef is that they couldn't find a way to redevelop this area without adding in a couple of giant parking lots.

tagged: Kansas, Roeland Park, nuclear, wasteland, Lowes, redevelopment, Home Depot

YouTube Tuesday: MatrixPong

This week's edition of YouTube Tuesday is dedicated to local blogger Xavier Onasis, whose promising sports career was cut tragically short due to a career-ending injury.

The X-Man left the following comment on a previous post.

"Remind me to tell you sometime about the time I sprained my ankle...PLAYING PING PONG!!!!

Very physical sport, ping pong!"

Well, X-Man, we're waiting to hear the story. You probably just needed a little help from your friends, much like the players in this week's video.

This one has been around the web for a while, but I think its such a clever idea that it deserves another post. So here it is, Matrix PingPong.



tagged: YouTube, Tuesday, Matrix, ping pong, pop culture, Japan

Kansas Guild of Bloggers Roundup #6

This is my first time hosting the Kansas Guild of Bloggers Blog Carnival, so go easy on me.

Here's a round-up of what Kansas area bloggers are saying this week.

• LadyGunn wins the prize for being the first to submit a blog post to the blog carnival site. Her post outlines plans for missionary work in the near future. Good luck and Godspeed.
  
  
• Lyn, the original host of the KGB Blog Carnival, chimed in with this entry on Blogging Out Loud from a Cat's diary (I assume it's because Lyn is still on a blogging hiatus). Since I'm deathly allergic to cats, I can already feel my eyes starting to itch. Somebody pass the Benadryl.
  
  
• It's all basketball talk over at PhogBlog (isn't there another sport that happens before basketball? Something with an oblong ball played on a gridiron?)
  
  
• Joel at Cup O' Joel gives a tribute to the lost coolness of his dad.
  
  
• John B. at BlogMeridian deconstructs Vertigo, again.
  
  
• JustCara takes on the immigration issue from a Napoleon Dynamite perspective.
  
  
• Brianne in the O.P. gets a second chance to make a Prom impression.
  
  
• Katie from Here in Katies Head launches a new advice blog, Katie's Home Journal. The latest entry: How to Cook Fish
  
  
• Wichita Mamma blogs about the perils of driving gigantic cars in reverse.
  

Okay, that's what I've come up with this time. Drop me an email or comment if I missed something and I'll get it added. And don't forget to submit your blog article to the next edition of the kgb using our carnival submission form. Past posts and future hosts can be found on our blog carnival index page.

tagged: Kansas, blog, blogger, carnival, KGB

Wall Art

It was a little too quiet on the screened-in porch.

Since today was such a nice day, we had the door open to the screen-in porch on the south side of our house. While my Supermodel Wife and I finished cleaning up after diner, our three-year-old daughter had wandered out onto the porch with our Jack Russell Terrier. Just to hang out I suppose. There's nothing they can really do except watch the neighborhood.

But that was at least 10 minutes ago, and it's just been too quiet for too long. That can only mean mischief is afoot.

So my Supermodel Wife goes out to see what's what. As she looked around the door, she saw our daughter crouched intently just beside the doorway. My Supermodel Wife's reaction was quiet but powerful.

the words "You are in so much trouble," said in a quiet and urgent tone, proved to be more effective than screaming and shouting ever were. Our daughter, without being told, took herself to her room and closed her door for the impending time-out.

I go over to investigate. And this is what I found, drawn on the side of the house:

It's one of the most difficult jobs of parenting. Having to keep a straight face and take disciplinary measures in the face of something so cute. I mean, how can I get mad at such fine art. It's like trying to yell at the Mona Lisa.

And I don't want to send a message that might squelch her creativity and stunt what could be a budding art career. After all, I can see how the white aluminum siding would be an irresistible canvass to someone with so much talent.

But, we had to be strong. Our three-year-old has lost her crayon privileges temporarily.

At least she still has play dough. So perhaps we'll just channel that creativity into sculpture. Look for a Pieta to be carved out of our granite counter top in the next few months.

tagged: art, family, parenting, Mona Lisa, daughter

Look for the silver lining

It's been quite a busy day and I didn't have time to post this morning, but I did want to put up a quick response to this post by Rusty, who complains about "bedroom loud" neighbors.

Rusty, I think you're looking at this as a problem and not an opportunity.

Opportunity #1: You can't knock on the door and ask them to fuck quieter, but you could knock on the door (when the neighbor is alone) and ask her if she "needs any help." Could end up in a nice convenient score for you. Just sayin'.

Opportunity #2: Call me crazy, but I see a podcast happening here: "Rusty's Neighbors Get Laid." You know there are lots of degenerates out there like me who would really dig something like that. Again, just sayin'.

tagged: Rusty, sex, loud, apartment, opportunity

Troost story

This morning I went to work with an inch-long gash in my face.

It extends from just below the corner of my right eye, up and to the left across the bridge of my nose, and ends between my eyes. It was put there yesterday by the ring of the jerk off who punched me as he tried to take my wallet while I gassed up my car in east Kansas City.

I like to think I gave as good as I got. After delivering some well-timed Tony Soprano-style punches, I held the guy with the help of some bystanders until the cops showed up. And I kept my wallet.

That's what I'm telling people. Of course the entire story is a complete fabrication, except the part about the inch-long gash. That really happened.

It's just that the true story is too embarrassing to use in everyday conversation. Nevertheless, I'll relate it here, since that's what blogs are for.

A few months ago I installed one of those fold down attic ladders in our garage to make it easier to access the storage in the attic.

The layout of our house is such that you must go through the garage to get to the basement. So after finishing dinner last night I head down to the basement to get some tools to fix a problem we were having with a door handle (different story).

Anyway, unbeknownst to me (but beknownst to the studio audience), my Supermodel Wife had lowered the aforementioned attic ladder. Not all the way though. She hadn't actually unfolded the lower part of the ladder; she had just pulled the hinged part down. So there was a nice sharp edge of plywood at right about my eye level.

All this happened at about 7 p.m., as the setting sun was shining through the west window of our garage, its glare obscuring the view.

The last thing I remember thinking before I walked Jack Tripper-like into the pulled down ladder was "Why is this pull-string hanging down so low?" SLAM!!!

Of course I was hellapissed at the time. I spouted few choice invectives and blamed my Supermodel Wife for lowering the ladder to decapitation level.

The truth is I was mostly mad at myself for being so stupid and clumsy. And honestly, I still am, which is why I need to come up with a better story, like the mugging described above.

I'm also toying with the idea that the injury is the result of an amateur boxing match (I could be a contender).

tagged: nose, gash, cut, accident, lie, story, mugging