Tropical depressing

I feel really bad for AlGore today.

Lately AlGore has been at the height of his propaganda power, eclipsing even the great Michael Moore with his magnum opus An Inconvenient Truth, a so-called documentary about how evil Republicans are causing global warming in an attempt increase unemployment for brown people and make loads of money off of a hurricane-induced shrimp shortage.

Yes, AlGore has been flying high on the winds of a predicted record number of named Atlantic and Gulf Coast hurricanes headed our way this season while residents of New Orleans continue the struggle to recover after last year's Hurricane Katrina.

But this past weekend took a little bit of wind out of his sails.

As Tropical Storm Alberto rumbled toward the Florida coast, one could almost see AlGore and the Goreites salivating at the prospect of another chance to score political points from another vicious storm. And even though weather scientists remained calm, some chicken littles got their hopes up that we would see yet another hurricane as the storm intensified over a three-hour period.

But alas, Alberto just didn't have the right stuff. He sauntered onshore with lots of rain, but from an AlGore perspective, was pretty anticlimactic (anticlimatic?).

So let's hope, for AlGore's sake, that the next weather system to come across the Atlantic is a little more menacing. By the end of Hurricane Season 2006, if all goes well and millions end up dead or homeless, AlGore may still have something to smile about going into election season.

tagged: Al Gore, hurricane, Katrina, global warning, Florida, politics, environmentalist

Monkey News: Chimp rights

Taking a cue from comic genius Karl Pilkington, I bring you the latest edition of Monkey News:

Prof Steve Jones considers the consequences of human rights for chimps

David Hammerstein is a Spanish Green who supports a Bill to accord rights to chimpanzees on the grounds that "their social and emotional needs are at the same level as handicapped people, small children, or the elderly and mentally impaired".

That strikes me as a dangerous argument if applied in reverse and, although some of my best friends are primates, it is also entirely arbitrary. If chimps have rights, why not gorillas; if gorillas, why not monkeys; and if monkeys, why not mice or mynah birds? Certainly, all those creatures deserve respect - but where do we draw the line?

Jones goes on to note the main argument of the other side is that 98 percent of the DNA of chimps and humans is identical.

Of course where DNA is concerned, 2 percent can make a huge difference.

...the DNA responsible for powerful muscle proteins is also out of action in humans compared with chimps (to wrestle with our closest relative, whatever its rights, is always a mistake). A tea party organised by those African primates might also prove a risky experience, for they have a whole series of enzymes that detoxify poisons and allow them to eat plants that would be fatal to humans.

In addition we are, compared with them, creatures of regrettably poor taste, for a whole series of DNA segments involved in gustatory experience have rusted away in Homo sapiens but survive in chimps. We smell, by the way, even worse.

Personally, I've always thought that chimps aren't very much like people. But there are some people who are very much like chimps.

It's like that old Bing Crosby chestnut says: All the monkeys aren't in a zoo. Everyday you meet quite a few.

tagged: monkey, chimpanzee, chimp, human rights, DNA, genetics, Karl Pilkington

YouTube Tuesday: So What

I came home yesterday after a particularly stressful Monday. There always seems to be piles of work stacked up after a long business trip.

So I get home, plug in my iPod and cue up my "decompression" playlist. I pour myself a Glenlivit on ice and take a seat on the screened-in sunporch while Miles and Coltrane chill it out with So What.

Ahhh. Scotch and jazz. Just the thing to take the edge off.

I know jazz doesn't do it for some people. But if you can't dig this riff, then I can only conclude that you have no soul.



tagged: music, YouTube, video, jazz, Miles Davis, John Coltrane, So What

BBC: It's okay to say 'gay'

Finally, we can start using the word gay pejoratively without the risk of being called a homophobe.

No less of an authority than the BBC (THE BB FREAKIN' C!!!) has now determined that the term gay no longer refers to homosexuals.

All the gay, er, homosexual people should be relieved. Think of all of Fred Phelps's useless signs.

According to the BBC, the word now means "dull and boring." So this might be considered gay, under the new meaning of the term (Just kiddin' Tony. Just bustin' your balls).

Here's the history of the word, ganked from the BBC:

HOW BRIGHT BECAME DULL

• Believed to derive from Old French "gai", the Latin "gaius" or a Germanic source. Originally meant "carefree", "happy" or "bright and showy"
  
• From late 17th century acquired sexual connotation of "uninhibited by moral constraints"
  
• Gertrude Stein’s Miss Furr & Miss Skeene (1922) cited as first published reference to ambiguous sexuality
  
• Noel Coward pens tribute to dandies of the “gay Nineties” wearing green carnations in 1929 musical Bitter Sweet
  
• Used to describe foppish dress code, unattached men or bachelors until adopted by homosexuals themselves in 1960s
  
• Originally used as an adjective ("he is gay"), the word is adopted as singular noun ("I am the only gay in the village")
  
• Children and students use gay as shorthand for "rubbish" during 1990s
  
• Bloggers substitute "gay" for "boring" or "dull", reversing original meaning

Now, I don't mean to be gay about this whole thing. Don't want to belabor the point. But I can't wait to start calling all kinds of stuff gay.

Like, I think world cup soccer is incredibly gay (buncha muscular men chasing a ball all day). And don't get me started on how gay NASCAR races are. Hell, you can't get much gayer than a bunch of guys driving up each other's rear bumpers. Puuhleeze!

But there could be some political fall-out from this. I mean, just think how many gay marriages there are now (not mine, of course).

tagged: gay, homosexual, BBC, World Cup Soccer, NASCAR, gay marriage, Fred Phelps

And it stoned me to my soul

It was eerie standing on my front stoop. The torrential rain had abated so I was no longer worried about getting soaked.

I watched the ghostly white meteorites plant themselves in my front yard and ricochet off of my house and cars. The otherwise quiet neighborhood echoed with the crash and smash of the hailstones. The bang of the stones off of shingle roofs and cedar siding sounded like a war zone.

I just hoped for minimal damage.

When it was over, I collected a few of the golf ball-sized specimens to show my daughter in the morning.

tagged: storm, hail, Kansas, eerie, weather

KGB Carnival for June 12

I'm back after a couple of days hiatus. Everyone should take a blogging break every once in a while, just to keep the addiction in check.

But I can't think of a better first hit than the weekly round up of Kansas blogs. So here we go, just remember that it's customary to pass the dutchie on the left hand side...

• LadyGunn reveals Why I Am The Nutjob I Am.
  
  
• Lyn Perry isn't just Cloning around at Bloggin' Outloud.
  
  
• John B.'s beautiful mind presents In which the Meridian confesses he has unconsciously behaved like John Nash for 3 months posted at Blog Meridian.
  
  
• Melissa looks Pretty in Pink posted at Space and Time
  
  
• Shea finds out that Kansas can be a hot spot at A California Girl in Kansas.
  
  
• JD has some advice for Republicans at Evolution.
  
  
• Old timer Joel Matthis waxes nostalgic about old time entertainment at Cup o' Joel.
  
  
• The Whole Wheat Blogger doesn't need a weather man to know which way the wind blows.
  
  
• John Mason finds an enemy within at Right Minded Thinking.

And this week's Honorary Kansas Blogger:

• Kevin Surbaugh has some tips for Recycling Almost Anything & Saving Money at Becoming and Staying Debt Free.

tagged: Kansas, blog, blogger, carnival, KGB, Iraq, John Nash, Zarqawi, entertainment, clone

What a long, strange trip it's been

Finally back in good ol' KC. It' great to be home and see the family again. I just have a few random thoughts to close out this trip:

• Travel (especially business travel) while stressful is a great opportunity for people watching. And I saw some very interesting people during my trip from, celebutantes to redneck race fans. Lindsay Lohan's bodyguard was a really nice guy. Very genial to the wait staff and gawking fans. Even pretty decent to the paparazzi. Of course, it didn't hurt that one of the photographers slipped him a $20 to find out where Lohan and Co. were going next.
  
  
• But the best people-watching experience was seeing Spiderman walk through the lobby of the hotel last week. Seriously, your friendly neighborhood Spiderman. The hell of it was that nobody really acted that surprised. Just another day in Manhattan.
  
  
• Air travel really sucks. I took the Amtrack from Manhattan to Wilmington, DE, then again from DC to Manhattan. Great experience. No waiting, comfortable cabins, lots of room. Why anyone would want to take a plane when a train is available is beyond me.
  
  
• Speaking of Delaware, I was surprised how undeveloped it is. Very rural. Even the beach town we overnighted in seemed to be a decade or two behind the times. I think there's a lot of potential there, especially since there's no sales tax in Delaware. Of course, I was only there for two days, so what do I know.
  
  
• To the two gentlemen dining beside me at Sardi's, sorry again for spilling my water on your shoes. How embarrassing is that.
  
  
• T-Mobile hotspots really suck in Manhattan. I pretty much wasted $20 or $30 on shitty wifi connections.
  
  
• The West Village redeemed the Big Apple in my mind. Previously, my experience had always been in the Times Square area and the blocks around there. Yeah it's urban and all, but too "touristy." I'll definitely have to make a point to visit Greenwich Village again when I go back.
  
  
• How busy does it have to be for a city the size of Manhattan to have no hotel rooms available. When I arrived at the Grand Hyatt on Park Avenue and gave me their reservation number, they said my room wasn't available and the hotel was full. But if I could wait a few hours the could put me in the VIP suite on the 34 floor (rooms 44 and 45). Well, if that's the best they can do I suppose it will have to suffice. (score!)

Sometimes the lights are shining on me. Other times I can barely see. Lately it occurs to me what a long, strange trip it's been.
tagged: travel, New York, Manhattan, Delaware, Spiderman, Lindsay Lohan, Amtrak, Sardi's

I'm not much of a celebrity watcher, but...

We stop for drinks at an al fresco sidewalk table at Da Silvano's in the West Village after dinner last night, me and four business colleagues.

Sean nudges me and says "Check out Nicky Hilton's hair extensions." Sure enough, sitting at the table four feet away is Miss Hilton with a girlfriend and a couple of emo boys.

I excuse myself from the table and walk a few yards away to make a quick phone call to check in on the wife and kid. Priorities of a business traveler.

Sean has placed my order for a Glenlivit, neat, and it's at the table when I return. What's more, Linsdsay Lohan has joined the Hilton party. Evidently, according to Sean, she has bad hair extensions, too. Plus, Sean says, she's unhealthily thin and must be "purging" after her meals. This theory is reinforced by her extended trip to the lady's room after she eats.

The brush with celebrity makes for interesting conversation at our table. Sean remarks how ugly the celebutantes' friends are. I suggest that celebs like to hang out with ugly people because it makes the celebs look better by comparison.

It's all a little dull for me. I don't really keep track with the gossip mags and the Hollywood so-called elite. Frankly, I don't get the whole celebrity worship thing. I mean, what has Lohan or Hilton ever contributed to the world that they should be the object of paparazzi attention.

But, the second glass of Glenlivit helps mellow my harsh. That, and the appearance presently of Kevin Connolly who plays Eric on the hit HBO series Entourage, which coincidentally kicks off its third season on Sunday.

Now I'm interested. I'm a big fan of Entourage. I think it's the best show on TV since The Sopranos.

Sure, this story sounds a bit far fetched. But here's the photographic proof (courtesy of the horrible resolution of my camera phone).

Here's Kevin Connolly having a smoke. You can see Nicky Hilton's back (she's got a thing going with Connolly, her hands were all over him) and the head of an anonymous emo boy.

The backs of Lindsay and Nicky.

tagged: celebrity, sighting, New York, Da Silvano, Nicky Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, Kevin Connolly, Entourage, Sopranos

YouTube Tuesday: Momma, I'm goin' fast!

In honor of my recent trip to Dover and my first experience with NASCAR race, this week's YouTube Tuesday is dedicated to Talladega Nights - The Ballad of Ricky Bobby.

This latest Will Farrell joint has all the makings of a summer comic blockbuster. I tell ya, Ferrell is on a roll. He's dynamite, baby. DYNAMITE!




tagged: movies, YouTube, video, Will Ferrell, NASCAR, humor

Dela-where?

I was able to update my "States I've Visited" map when I drove through Delaware the other day. Actually, it didn't even take a day.

Delaware is one of those states that people forget about. It's understandable. The state is only about 40 miles across at it's widest point. That four-zero miles, folks. The KC metro area is wider than that.

It's about 90 miles long, so driving from one end to the other along the single major highway is like driving from KC to Topeka. Still, it's a quaint a pretty state. And, as the residents I talked to were quick to remind me, it was the first state to ratify the Constitution.

My business travels took me to Dover International Speedway, home of the Monster Mile and NASCAR's Neighborhood of Excellence 400. This gave me a chance to see about 100,000 white people with red necks sit in the sun watching custom-made mega-gas-guzzling cars drive around in circles for four hours.

During a sun-stroke induced trance, I looked for some meaning to the pattern of numbers. The race was 400 miles long, roughly 4 times the length of the state. And there were about 100,000 people watching the race, about one eighth the population.

It seemed a bit too neat and coincidental to me. I thought there must be a Dan Brown novel in there somewhere.

As for the NASCAR race itself, it was a first for me. As you can imagine, the rednek factor was pretty high. But I did get a tour of the infield/pit area including some up-close and personal time with the cars. Amazing machines, though I suspect they don't do much for the price of gasoline.

Anyway, it's back to NY tomorrow for a couple of days.

tagged: travel, Delaware, NASCAR, Dover, race, New York