Could you just do me this one little favor? Is that too much to ask?

Sunday morning was as bad as I thought it would be.

Saturday, I could hang out at home, bunkered up against all of the crap I knew was flying round outside of my house. I could avoid the offensive TV programming by watching something off the DVR (Resevoir Dogs if you must know). But in the back of my mind, I knew I was only delaying the force majeure that was approaching with all the inevitability of the 15-second shot clock.

I expected it. I knew every bandwagon jumper and his dog would be talking about "KU's Big Win." The so-called TV journalists of course, the idiot teenagers at Planet Sub, the knuckle dragging battery-chuckers at the car wash -- hell, even the Pastor at church found a way to work it into his sermon.

Yeah, I knew it was coming. But knowing it was coming didn't make it any better.

Then I get to work this morning and I hear this gem from one of the blue and crimson sheep:

"That was the best half of basketball I have ever seen any team play in my ENTIRE LIFE!!!"

--KU bandwagon jumper

Now I admit that part of what I'm experiencing can be chalked up to a version of what Katra cleverly calls "Freudenschade ("Finding misfortune in the joys of others."). But enough is enough already!

Here's a news flash, KU Fan: Not everyone is a KU fan.

Don't get me wrong. I mean, kudos to KU for busting my bracket and all. But there's only so much credit I can give to a hated team from an athletic department built on cheating that backed into the Final Four by beating no team higher than an 8 seed.

So here's my proposal. I'll try to bottle up my vehemence for the next few days if you can make some effort at containing the inevitable douchebaggy obnoxiousness that I just know is going to show up.

And Xenu help us if KU actually beats Memphis tonight.

tagged: KU, cheater, basketball, Final Four, NCAA, Tournament, sports, Jayhawks

Friday Feast: All vegetarian edition

Strictly vegetarian fare today. Might I suggest a tall glass of wheatgrass juice?

Appetizer
Invent a new flower; give it a name and describe it.
Okay, it's a cross between wormwood and cockscomb.

It's called cockwood. It has large, fleshy petals that swell in warmer weather. But it tends to shrink and shrivel when it gets wet during rain storms.

Soup
Name someone whom you think has a wonderful voice.
Sarah Vaughan.



Salad
On a scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being highest, how clean do you keep your car?
Honestly, I'd say 7.326849.

Main Course
How do you feel about poetry?

They said to him "Speak to us of Love."

He looked upon the people, and there fell a stillness upon them.
And with a great voice he said:

When love beckons to you, follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his feathers may wound you.
And when he speaks to you believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams.

-- Kahlil Gibran

Dessert
What was the last person/place/thing you took a picture of?
My left foot.


Check out these vegetarian entrées as well: Logtar, Bea, Faith

tagged: meme, Friday Feast, Sarah Vaughan , cockscomb , wormwood

Friday Blogthing: Expletive not deleted

I guess it could be worse. I prefer to think of it as "using colorful metaphors" rather than cussing. And I blame a majority of the "colorful metaphors" on the commenters (not you, though. You're the exception).



tagged: Friday, cuss, language, expletive, blog, meme

(No hippie)

I'm really looking forward to Saturday morning. It will be my chance to jettison some personal detritus that has been taking up space in my basement and weighing on my mind.

About a year ago, our Aiwa home theater tuner burned out. A few months earlier out ink jet printer shot craps. Both items have survived a garage sale or two (evidently nobody wants to buy broken junk) and the dumpster.

You see, even though I'm not a damn dirty hippie I just can't bring myself to toss those old useless electronics into the trash. I mean, I dropped a nice wad of bills for those things, and I have to believe there's still some value left in them.

So for the last few months they've been sitting in a corner of my basement, taking up valuable space that could be better used in my basement pot-growing enterprise.

But Saturday, that will change.

The city of Overland Park is having an electronics recycling event at Shawnee Mission North High School (7401 Johnson Drive). You can bring old computers, keyboards, mice, VCRs (what the hell are those?), stereo equipment, scanners, printers and electronic vibrating anal plugs (Chimpo), and they'll take them off your hands free of charge.

According to the press release, OP collected 62,000 pounds (that's 3 Jason Whitlocks!) worth of recyclable crap at last year's event.

Here's a little more info

Electronic devices can contain significant amounts of hazardous or toxic substances.

Cathode ray tubes found in most computer monitors and TVs contain significant amounts of lead while other equipment may contain mercury, cadmium, chromium and other heavy metals. When electronic devices are disposed of, these pollutants may pose environmental risks.

So if you're trying to be more ecological by living like a caveman for an hour, or keeping your ill-gotten cash (you capitalist pigdog scum!) in a plastic billfold, or even rooting through your own filth for recyclables everyday, why not add electronics recycling to your hippie lifestyle?


tagged: recycle, electronics, hippie, Jason Whitlock, ecology, Overland Park, environmentalist

FWD: She always has good advice

I was having an email exchange with my Supermodel Wife earlier today about the possibility of attending a Royals game in the next few weeks (while they're still leading the division).

Here's how it started:

From: Supermodel Wife
To: emawkc

How much were the tickets? It might be really cold on that day if the recent weather is any indication, trendwise.

BTW, what are your lunch plans today?

I replied:

From: emawkc
To:Supermode Wife

Tickets = $30 each (includes food)

Weather = Forecast sunshine with a high of 66

Lunch = I have a meeting so I’ll be dining at my cube.

Her response to my reply:

Please don't project manage your wife.

Great advice.

tagged: email, family, manage, humor, baseball, Royals

My movie quotes

By now, you've probably already seen this meme enough times to know how it works.

But here are the rules anyway:

Movie meme
-Pick 15 of your favorite movies.
-Go to IMDB and find a quote from each movie.
-Post them on your blog for everyone to guess.
-Fill in the film title once it’s been guessed.

THE RULES:
-Leave guesses in the comments.
-No Googling or using IMDB search functions.
-Know-it-alls, limit your guesses to three movies.

1. I don't tip because society says I have to. All right, if someone deserves a tip, if they really put forth an effort, I'll give them a little something extra. But this tipping automatically, it's for the birds. As far as I'm concerned, they're just doing their job. -- Reservoir Dogs (Logtar)
   
   
2. Have a twinkie, snapperhead. -- The Adventures of Ford Fairlane (The D)
   
   
3. I coulda taken Wilson apart! So what happens? He gets the title shot outdoors on the ballpark and what do I get? A one-way ticket to Palooka-ville! You was my brother, Charley, you shoulda looked out for me a little bit. -- On the Waterfront (The D)
   
   
4. All he'd wanted were the same answers the rest of us want. Where did I come from? Where am I going? How long have I got? All I could do was sit there and watch him die. -- Bladerunner (Xavier Onassis)
   
   
5. But, Mrs. Mulwray, I goddamn near lost my nose. And I like it. I like breathing through it. And I still think you're hiding something. -- Chinatown (Xavier Onassis)
   
   
6. A little spackling and some napalm and this place could make a nice mausoleum. -- Fletch Lives (The D)
   
   
7. Was it a dream where you see yourself standing in sort of sun-god robes on a pyramid with a thousand naked women screaming and throwing little pickles at you? -- Real Genius (Nuke)
   
   
8. The time has come for someone to put his foot down. And that foot is me. -- National Lampoon's Animal House (Hoopstar)
   
   
9. You're stewed, buttwad! -- Weird Science (Nuke)
   
   
10. This steak still has marks from where the jockey was hitting it. -- Caddyshack (Xavier Onassis)
    
    
11. I'm a convicted murderer who provides sound financial planning. -- The Shawshank Redemption (Shane)
    
    
12. When some wild-eyed, eight-foot-tall maniac grabs your neck, taps the back of your favorite head up against the barroom wall, looks you crooked in the eye and asks you if ya paid your dues, you just stare that big sucker right back in the eye, and you remember what ol' Jack Burton always says at a time like that: "Have ya paid your dues, Jack?" "Yessir, the check is in the mail." -- Big Trouble in Little China (Chimpo)
    
    
13. I've killed women and children. I've killed everything that walks or crawls at one time or another. And I'm here to kill you, Little Bill, for what you done to Ned. -- Unforgiven (Nuke)
    
    
14. Edwina's insides were a rocky place where my seed could find no purchase. -- Raising Arizona (AKCB)
    
    
15. Here I am, goin' to Florida, my leg hurts, my butt hurts, my chest hurts, my face hurts, and like that ain't enough, I gotta pee all over myself. -- Midnight Cowboy (Hoopstar)
    

tagged: meme, movie, quotes, pop culture

Today's Sponge

In case you missed it, KC Sponge has put up a new blog template and new blog name.

Luckily for us she still has the same great attitude and writing style (not to mention the same URL (no rickroll)). Go check it out if you haven't yet.

tagged: Kansas City, sponge, blog, blogging

YouTube Tuesday: A Bush Spring Break

Okay guys. I really shouldn't pass this on, and it will probably end up getting me targeted by the Department of Homeland Security. But when I saw the news yesterday that Laura and Jenna Bush were going to be in Kansas City in a couple of weeks, I knew I couldn't pass it up.

I got this email from a friend of mine a few weeks ago. I can't divulge the name of my friend (see the aforementioned Department of Homeland Security issue), so for the purposes of this post I'll just call her Flora Spoil.

Anyway, Flora works on my floor at work and she told the story of a Spring Break "social" she attended a few years ago while still in college. According to her story she was at a party in a certain town in Texas (I think you know what I'm talkin' about) at this fancy hotel when she sees these two young women arrive in a big black car accompanied by big official dudes in dark suits.

You guessed it, it was the Bush Twins.

No doubt you're already aware of the Twins' reputations for partying hardy. Well, as Flora told it, the reputation is well earned. She said the Twins went all kinds of crazy at the party. Drinking, smoking, dancing -- no report of drug use, but...

Well evidently things got really out of hand when Jenna got up on a makeshift bar and started doing a dorky dance. She slipped of course and fell down on a pile of beer-filled plastic cups.

Flora always said it was the funniest thing she had ever seen because of who was involved. Frankly, I always suspected the story was 85% BS until I received this email a few weeks ago.

It had a link to a video of the incident taken by one of Flora's friends at the party. It shows the whole hilarious affair and I have to admit, it's LEGENDARY!

It's safe for work but be sure your not drinking any coffee or anything because it will likely squirt out your nose when you laugh.
tagged: Jenna Bush, spring break, party, alcohol, video, Bush

Fundamentals

It was one of the best moments of fatherhood so far (and there have been many).

Let me set the stage for you:

I had just settled down with some pretzels and a Flat Tire to see if North Carolina would beat Louisville to keep what's left of my final four intact. After a few minutes of play, our 5-year-old daughter ambled in and climbed up on my lap.

And... ACTION:

"Is K-State playing?"

"No. Sadly the Wildcats won't be playing anymore games this year."

"So who's playing?"

"This is the North Carolina Tarheels verses Louisville."

"Which ones are the good guys."

"Well, there aren't really any good guys left since K-State isn't playing. But I'm hoping North Carolina wins this game."

"Which team is North Carolina?"

"The guys with white shirts are North Carolina. The guys with red shirts are Louisville."

"Which one is winning?"

"Well, North Carolina has 10 points and Louisville has 9 points. So North Carolina is winning by 1 point."

"One point!?"

"Yup. Oooh. There was a foul."

"What is a foul?"

"That's when you break the rules by playing too rough. See, now that guy get to try a free shot and if he makes it he gets another free shot... Now North Carolina is ahead by THREE points."

This is followed by about a minute of quiet as we watch the Tarheels stretch their lead to 14-9.

Then I get this gem of a question:

"Dad, why are those guys brown."

"What are you talking about?" I say.

"Those guys, some of them are brown. You know, like on their skin."

"Oh. Well, they just have a different color of skin. That's all. Like your friend Noah and his little sister."

"Oh. But why is it brown?"

"Well it's just a different color. You know how you have blond hair and I have brown hair? It's like that."

"Oh. Yeah... Daddy?"

"What is it kiddo."

"Can I watch a cartoon?"

End scene.

tagged: family, basketball, North Carolina, Tarheels, Louisville, parenting, sports

Friday Blogthing: Gone Wild

Like most Fun Friday things, this is absolutely useless.

Chimpo, don't get the wrong idea here (you furry phreak, you).

You can make your own cute cuddly completely non-sexual (Chimpo!) monster at the Wildlife Conservation Society website.

tagged: Friday, character, monster, cartoon, blog, wild, meme