Troop surge

I'm about a week late on this, but it's something I wanted to get off my to-blog list.

The LJW posted a video report about recruiting problems at the Kansas Highway Patrol.

For various reasons (more people in the military, more people retiring) there are fewer qualified applicants to join the KHP (or, as I call them, KHiPs). One of the biggest issues is that the applicants they get can't pass the written and physical tests.

At first I wondered how tough it could be. I mean, I know how to drive. If the written test is anything like the open book test I took to get my driver's license when I was 14, I shouldn't have any problem with it.

And as far as the physical test goes, hell how tough can it be? It's not like you have to be an American Gladiator to sit behind the steering wheel all day drinking coffee and eating donuts.

But then I realized that the KHP is being smart and planning ahead. With oil reserves drying up by the day, the KHP realizes that it has to set higher standards for its troopers in order to deal with the coming apocalyptic dystopia.

Physical standards are being raised. The highway of the socially decayed future will require men of great stamina and strength. Marksmanship will be a key skill, as these new troops attempt not only to uphold the law, but to dispense justice and vengeance as well.

In their new roles as judge, juror and executioner, Kansas will need the best of the best.

tagged: Kansas, highway patrol, peak oil, CHiPs, Road Warrior, Mel Gibson

Medium rare

Just easing back into blogger mode here.

I plan on doing some kind of recap of Labor Day weekend (maybe), but I wanted to post this neato portrait done by an artist in Great Britain.

When I first saw this portrait -- before reading the story behind it (pun intended) -- I thought it was quite a fetching likeness of the President.

He is depicted gazing stoically into the future, ready to do what is necessary to ensure the continuance of life, liberty and the Amercan way. I'm pretty sure that's was Republican supporters in Texas thought, too. Until they read the story behind the portrait.

US Republicans are none too pleased with Brit artist Jonathan Yeo, who's just completed a fetching portrait of George Bush constructed from grumble mag clippings...

According to the Sun, Republicans have reacted with predictable indignation. A spokesman for Republicans Abroad International said: "This will cause outrage in America. Some people will think it’s funny - but personally I think it is a cheap stunt."

A spokesman for the Texas tentacle of the Republican Party chipped in with: "This picture is very distasteful. Why would anyone want to make a picture of our President from pornographic material?"

That's right, look closely at the collage images and you can see (if you want) women and men in various stages of undress performing various acts upon each other.

Not sure what the artist's message is. The President is a boob? Something about being the "head" of state? Dick (Cheney, of course) is on the president's mind?

According to the artist:

"I did it for fun, not to offend, but I'm pleased with it. I did it to amuse."

Still, it's a pretty good portrait. It raises a few questions: What is the intrinsic value of the medium. Does the medium increase/decrease the aesthetic value of a work? Is that what I think it is on his earlobe?

tagged: Bush, art, portrait, porn, Jonathan Yeo

In my head I'm already gone

Okay, that's it for me. I'm off to my parents' place to help run my dad's big barbecue contest this weekend.

Should be a good time, with lots of food and (especially) drink. So you probably won't see much from me until next Wednesday (you poor bastards).

Anyway, in the immortal words of Dennis Miller...

"That's the news and I... am... Outahere."

tagged: weekend, Labor Day, barbecue, Dennis+Miller, Saturday Night Live, parents

Sunshine and butterflies

About the end of the first or second year into the first job out of college, most people realize that the default status of life is suckiness.

Work is hard (that's why the call it work), and you're more likely to be blamed for the mistakes of others than rewarded for your own excellence.

Life is not and never will be easy. Most people recognize this. Those who don't, become Liberals and expect the government to make everyone happy. Of course, not every day can be all sunshine and butterflies.

But some days can. And it's important to carpe those diems when they happen. Which brings me to about two weeks ago.

We were doing some light work in the 110-degree heat of the back yard when my Supermodel Wife found a flashy-looking caterpillar. It was yellow, black and white striped with a pair of "horns" on either end.

We showed our daughter who was fascinated and immediately put the thing in her bug box. Over the next few days, we fed the voracious creature leaves similar to the ones it was on when we found it. Every day after school we would find lots of leaf stems and caterpillar crap in the bug box.

Then one day it was a cocoon -- a green cocoon with gold glitter.

Fast forward to yesterday. A beautiful, sunny, 80-degree day. We get home and hear fluttering coming from the bug box on the desk where we've been watching it daily.

The Monarch butterfly had emerged from the chrysalis to the amazement of all of us. It was now our sacred duty to take the boxed butterfly outside to set it free.



The poor little guy had some trouble finding his way to the opening at the end of the box. His tiny insect brain couldn't figure out how to climb sideways.

So we tipped the box up on its end, and after a minute or two of trying, he finally emerged from the opening.

In all his glory.

He tested his wings tentatively a few times, then took off and was in the neighbor's tree within a few seconds. From there, we lost track of him.

Sharing these kind of moments with your kids really does cancel out a lot of the crap life hands you. This, along with Boulevard Wheat, is what makes life worth living.

tagged: science, Monarch, butterfly, family, meaning of life, sunshine, photos

Friday Blogthing: Personality goes a long way

I don't think any additional commentary is needed. Yes, I do. Wait, just what are you getting at. Shudup and read!

You May Be a Bit Schizotypal...

A bit odd and socially isolated. You couldn't care less of what others think. And some of your beliefs are a little weird. Like that time you thought you were Jesus.

What Personality Disorder Are You?

tagged: Friday, test, personality, Schizotypal, Kramer, meme, blog

Headlines: Chimp on your shoulder

This news just in from that wellspring of scholarship Atlanta - Gestures May Come From Chimps

Gesturing is one of the oldest forms of human communication, and now researchers have discovered that apes and chimps use the same motions humans do when asking for things.

The study indicates that hand gestures, much like Democrats, evolved from monkeys.

I know, I was skeptical at first just like you. But then I saw some of the pictures that were published with the study and now I have to admit, they may have something here.

tagged: headline, news, science, evolution, monkey, chimp, finger, the bird, gesture

3A.M. Poll: What is your favorite thing to say to a cop who has pulled you over?

This was ganked from an email I recently received, but still worth considering.

I haven't had a traffic ticket in at least 10 years (we'll not counting parking tickets). I attribute that to my Rico Suavé-esque way of talking my way out of trouble (without offering sexual favors, you cheeky monkey).


tagged: police, cops, ticket, Barney, Andy, poll, vote

Headlines: Void where prohibited

In case you haven't been keeping up with current events in science, astrophysicists have discovered the largest yet totally empty region of space.

Radio astronomers have found the biggest hole ever seen in the universe. The void, which is nearly a billion light years across, is empty of both normal matter and dark matter. The finding challenges theories of large-scale structure formation in the universe.

The void has nothing in it. No thing. You can't believe how utterly empty this thing is. It's like Paris Hilton's resume, or any song by Maroon 5. We're talking devoid of content here.

I read about this the other night and immediately went outside to see it for myself. Sure enough there it was, right there in space where they said it would be.

I took a picture to share with you. My little Nikon digital camera got a pretty good shot.



tagged: space, science, void, Paris Hilton, Larry Moore, Maroon 5, humor

Eewww, someone just schmoozed all over me!

Shea at ACGIK, named me the supreme winner yesterday of the Blogger Schmooze award.

I proudly accept.

I know there are others, like The D, Chimpotle, KCSponge and Erin who have made claims to the Blogger Schmooze award. And to be certain, they are definitely schmooze-worthy in their own right.

But I hereby accept the honor of the supreme Blogger Schmooze award. To illustrate my supreme blogger schmooziness, I am leaving it up to my (two) readers to choose who they think should be nominated next for the Blogger Schmooze award.

So leave your nominations in the comments. It is okay, indeed encouraged, to nominate yourself.

tagged: Kansas, blog, blogging, blogger, schmooze, award, meme

YouTube Tuesday: Underdogs RULE!

It's finally here. The end of summer.

Because with the beginning of college football on Saturday, summer is officially over for me.

Oh sure, there are those smartypants scientific types who will tell you that the "official" last day of summer is later in September. And yes, at least here in KC we'll still have hotter-than-balls days. There will still be leaves on the trees for several more weeks, and the grass will still be green (or in my case, brown).

But with the first kickoff, summer is over for me, replaced by football season. And what better way to begin football season than this choice video about the greatest turnaround in college football.



tagged: movie, YouTube, video, sports, football, KSU, K-State, KU