Inapropriate Secret

So I'm at Victoria's Secret buying underwear the other day... oh, wait, let me explain...

My Supermodel Wife and I are enjoying a week of reliving our DINK-hood while the kid's visiting grandparents for the week. Our Tuesday evening activity was a sushi dinner at the Sushi House in Leawood. After dinner the SMW wants to do a little shopping, and because I'm a helluva I guy, I agree to accompany her without complaining and stuff.

So she decides to go to the VS store to use up a gift card that some awesome guy gave her as part of a Christmas gift. Which brings us to the underwear shopping.

Now ladies, guys don't like shopping in general and they like underwear shopping even less, which shows you how swell of a husband I am that I was there with a good attitude and everything.

But let's face it, being a guy in a Victoria's Secret is a bit awkward. On the one hand, you don't want to look like you're stuck up and nervous because, hey, I'm a modern guy and I can go shopping in a lingerie store without questioning my masculinity.

On the other hand, you don't want to look like your having too good of a time, leering at the scantily dressed but well-proportioned mannequins and Lord help you if you accidentally look at one of the other lady shoppers the wrong way.

Anyway, I started playing this game in my mind. I was trying to ease the tension by thinking of the most inappropriate things a guy could say in a Victoria's Secret store.

Here are a few that I came up with:

• Isn't that bra way too big for her?
• Aren't those underwear a little too small?
• I'm just going to go hang out in the dressing room for a while.
• Check out that mannequin, it must be cold in here.
  
• Hey, all these underwear smell the same.

That's the best I could come up with. I'm sure some of you sickos can do better.

tagged: underwear, Victoria's Secret, shopping, bra, inappropriate, humor

Flu Fighters

Yep, I've got it too.

I could see it coming a mile away. Three of the four cubes neighboring mind were all sick in the previous weeks. But like a damsel tied to the tracks in a Western melodrama, there was nothing I could do to avoid it.

Actually, I think I may have contracted it from The D. He comments here pretty frequently and I don't think he washes his hands before he uses his keyboard. Of course, he seems to be having a harder time with it. My symptoms aren't as severe.

I can only assume that's due to my superior genes with their Master Race antiviral abilities handed down by my German ancestors.

Anyway, I raise a glass of Nyquil and toast your health. Here's hoping you don't get sick.

tagged: flu, sick, Nyquil, Down with the Sickness, Richard Cheese

YouTube Tuesday: Paraphrase Theater presents

It's been a big week for the so-called entertainment so-called industry. The Oscars was earlier this week, and one of my all time favorite comedies, No Country for Old Men, took home some major awards.

So today's edition of YouTube Tuesday honors the lowest-rated Oscars in history with a reenactment of a classic scene from Star Wars as interpreted by Paraphrase Theater.



tagged: movie, YouTube, video, Star Wars, Princess Leia, Tarkin, parody

Headline of the Day!!!

Worker Finds Bones In KCK Manhole

Why do I have the sneaking suspicion that Tony had something to do with this headline?

tagged: news, media, Headlines, humor

Snow Giant

This gigantic snow man guarding Mission Road in Prairie Village is somewhat baffling and raises several questions:
Was the dust of snow we received Saturday night enough to build such a monstrosity? If not, how were the creators able to keep it from melting even a little in the week since we had snow? And how were they able to lift a three-foot diameter snow head to the nine-foot summit of the snow titan in the either case?

tagged: Kansas, Prairie Village, Mission Road, snow, snowman, weather, winter

Book Report: A Thousand Splendid Suns

Title: A Thousand Splendid Suns

Author: Khaled Hosseini

Synopsis:
The story follows the lives of two Afghan women, Mariam and Laila, who become caught up in the repression and misogyny of conservative Islamic culture.

Events span the decades from the rule of Afghan kings, the Soviet invasion, the civil war of the Mujahideen warlords, the takeover of the Taliban and the eventual liberation by Allied forces.

It gives compelling details about the tragic struggles and sacrifices of the two principal characters as they try to survive through anarchy and extremism in what would become a brutalizing culture.

My thoughts:
The first to-do item on my literary list this year was to work my way through the entire Khaled Hosseini library. Luckily for me, that is comprised of only two books at this point. The Kite Runner, which was released earlier this year as a motion picture, and A Thousand Splendid Suns.

I'll try steer away from comparing the two books here. They're both very good reads and worth your time. But I will say that I consider Suns to be the better of the two.

The author's narrative style is stronger and less predictable and he stretches himself, very effectively, to look at the events of the last 35 years in Afghanistan from a woman's point of view.

Hosseini does an excellent job of referencing the global and regional political issues in the story without making them a main plot point. The large events are a backdrop, a scene setting device that serves as a canvass for the personal tribulations the main characters endure.

In doing this, the he avoids being overtly preachy and opinionated. The result is a narrative that keeps it's focus on the subjects of the story, while exposing the reader to the cultural and moral pitfalls of Afghanistan during this time frame and, more generally, of any authoritarian society.

The story itself gives me new respect for the struggle of the Afghan people, particularly the women, and what they have endured over the past four decades. One point the story makes is that nobody in Afghanistan has escaped loss -- loss of family members, loss of friends, loss of limbs, loss of dignity and loss of life.

After the first few chapters I was already wondering if life would ever get better for the women involved. And it didn't. It gets worse and worse for most of the book. This is another reason I respect Hosseini as a writer. He doesn't sugarcoat anything.

The lives of the main characters get progressively worse throughout the book and this is can be emotionally trying for the reader. But as with The Kite Runner, while you can't say that there is a happy ending, there is at least a hopeful ending.

Rating: Highly recommended

tagged: books, literature, Khaled Hosseini, A Thousand Splendid Suns, The Kite Runner, Taliban, extremist

Friday Blogthing: Money, it's a gas

This is fortunate for me, since I don't have any.

12%How Addicted to Money Are You?

tagged: Friday, test, money, addiction, addict

Is that a rocket in your pocket?

I thought this video would be more exciting...

.

It's a bit underwhelming, but at least there's this pic of local boy Andrew Jackson pulling the trigger...

And this wicked-cool image of the "bullet"...

In case you're wondering, the "bullet" was a Raytheon RIM-161 Standard SM-3. I think the specs on that page include do-it-yourself instructions on how to build one of these bad boys in you basement.

tagged: missile, spy satellite, war head, Andrew Jackson, video

Dark side of the moon

So I'm taking the trash out to the curb at about 9:15 and I look up at what should have been a full moon. Instead I see that a cosmic demon is eating the moon god, a sure portent of evil days ahead.

Anyway, since I was bundled up against the 20-degree temperature, I got out the digital camera and tripod and snapped a few shots of this sure sign of the impending apocalypse.



tagged: moon, lunar eclipse, night, omen, picture

Anatomy of willful ignorance

There's a whole helluva lot of righteous outrage out in the KC blogosphere lately. And there's plenty reason for some good ol' fashioned righteous indignation.

Let's see... the economy is going down like a desperate Westport skank. Drugs and murder are rampant on the city's east side. Oil is now over $100 a barrel which means gasoline prices are sure to follow. Sick cattle are being tortured and fed to our children in schools. And to top it all off we seem to be in the midst of a new Ice Age as global warming threatens to destroy the planet!

Yes, plenty to be righteously indignant about. But the cause du jour for some in the local blogosphere is the Bodies Revealed exhibit coming to Union Station.

Bea, Logtar, Jaybird, Tony and Alonzo have condemned the exhibit, some even calling for a "boycott" of the exhibit on moral grounds.

The objections seem to boil down to (paraphrasing): It's a moral outrage to publicly display the dead bodies of human beings.

Here's a sampling of quotes that I think are representative of these bloggers' views:

"Keep it in a learning environment, not in the public." -- Jay Bird's Kansas City

"I do not believe that science needs to be displayed in a freak show manner" -- Logtar

"...displaying bodies like art was somewhat obscene for me" -- Logtar

"I do not see any scientific or artistic merit on this morbid display." -- Logtar

"The exhibit is just uncanny & sinful" -- Alonzo Washington

It's a shame to see such closed minds from bloggers that I actually really respect (well, except for Tony).

"Keep it in the learning environment?" Shouldn't the entire world be a learning environment? I mean, I realize that as a general rule the people of KCMO don't really value learning and education, but are they trying to take us all back to the Dark Ages?

"Displaying bodies like art is obscene?" I'm glad Leonardo Da Vinci didn't think that way. The anatomy of the human body has been the subject of both art and science since the middle ages and is largely responsible for helping to kick-start the Renaissance.

The best argument against this is the potential that original occupants of the bodies on display might not have given full consent.

But for me, that's not enough to outweigh the potential educational experience. Why would I want to remain willfully ignorant when given this opportunity?

The exhibit opens in Union Station on February 29 and will run through Sept 1. I definitely plan on attending and I encourage you take this opportunity to expand your knowledge.

tagged: human body, Bodies Revealed, anatomy, Kansas City, Union Station, science, education, biology