Friday Blogthing: Something to believe in

Much like 80's glam rock band Poison, Barack Obama has won the adoration of masses of people by using tired, trite, over-sentimentalized platitudes.

Now thanks to the power or the interwebz, we can translate the politicians words into webby truthiness.

Hat tip to Blandwagon.





tagged: Poison, Something to Believe In, glam, Barack Obama, Friday, politics

That old feeling

This could be a little confusing, so pay close attention...

I got a txt msg from my younger sister last night that my niece, the daughter of my older sister, is pregnant.

So first of all, congratulations to my niece. She married her husband a couple of years ago and has built a good career (as has her husband). This is the next step for them and they'll be great parents.

It's still very early in the pregnancy, and lots of times these things "don't take" the first time. But if this is turns out to be a viable pregnancy, that would mean my sister will be a GRANDMOTHER!

Which, if you've been following along, makes me a Great Uncle (I mean, I'm already a great uncle by virtue of being an all around great guy. But now I could be a Great Uncle as well).

I am NOT old enough to be a Great Uncle.

Okay, here's the big caveat: My niece (the one who's pregnant) is the stepdaughter of my older sister. To the best of my recollection she was already in nearing junior high age when my sister became her stepmom.

But still, it makes you feel the cold breath of age on your neck to think that your sister is a grandmother.

Weird.

tagged: family, old, age, sister, niece, uncle

Spies like us

FYI... the Democrat-controlled Senate has approved a bill to allow the government to spy on Americans.

Candidate Obama voted in favor of the spying bill. I wonder if that's what he means by "candidate of change."

tagged: Senate, spy, bill, eavesdropping, surveillance, Obama, candidate

Dentally unstable

So I'm rushing around at the office at about a quarter past two yesterday afternoon.

I have a 3 p.m. dentist appointment and I know it will take at least 30 minutes to drive, find a parking place and run up a long flight of stairs to the office. On top of that, I have a conference call that I can't miss from 2-3 p.m. I know I'm cutting the timing close on this.

I print out the spreadsheet for the meeting, dial in to the conference on my cell phone and begin shutting down my computer. I have to be in my car in 15 minutes if I'm going to make my appointment.

Twenty minutes later I'm on the road, hands-free phone on mute, spreadsheet in one hand and steering wheel in the other. Yes, I've become that guy. On a meeting, driving down the highway, referring to a lines on a spreadsheet that are too small to read and speeding to try to get to my appointment.

Luckily, I don't kill my self or anyone else in an auto accident. I find a parking place right in front of the door to the dentist's office and run up the stairs with enough time to grab a quick sip from the drinking fountain and still arrive three minutes early.

So I had a frantic trip to the office. Keep that in mind for a minute or two.

I sit down in the exam chair and the dental hygienist pulls out a blood pressure cuff. Evidently in the six months since my last cleaning, this office has decided that blood pressure checks are a vital part of dental hygiene. Is this new? Does your dentist do this? I can't decide if my dentist is on the cutting edge of dental care, or just pretending to be a real doctor.

Anyway, the blood pressure reading comes in slightly elevated. I chalk it up to the craziness of the last hour or so, not to mention a bit of anxiety about being at the dentist in the first place. Now don't get me wrong, I don't have any kind of pathological fear of the dentist. But come on, does anybody really look forward to having their gums probed with sharpened steel implements? Really?

As a quick aside here, let me just pause to reiterate my incredulity that here we are, living in the future, where modern medicine is performing miracles like giving site to the blind and allowing men to have babies, yet dentists are using technology that is little changed since medieval times. Come on dentists! Where are the fricken' lasers to clean my teeth!

Anywho, Jabby McStabyourgums commences the teeth cleaning, noting she'll just take another blood pressure reading after the cleaning, when I've had a chance to relax. As if 10 minutes of having stainless steel hooks scraped across my teeth and under my gums is the equivalent of smoking a joint while getting deep tissue massage.

The exam/cleaning is finished. I have no cavities (of course) and I get a nice little parting gift of a new toothbrush, floss and toothpaste (travel size, the cheapskates) as I get up. McStabyourgums forgets to recheck my blood pressure, and I don't remind her.

I think it' s a pretty safe bet that it was higher.

tagged: dentist, gums, blood pressure, medieval, torture

YouTube Tuesday: Not voting is easy, more than half the population does it

Now, everyone can participate in pretending to participate in the political process. There's really no excuse for not not getting involved.



tagged: election, voting, politics, satire, Onion, video, humor, YouTube

Race-ism

Back to the Tour de France for a minute...

Kansas City's modern day Hemingway, Midtown Miscreant, commented previously that pro cycling "...just seems like nascar on bikes to me."

Well, my friends, nothing could be further from the truth (well, okay, calling Obama the "candidate of change" might be a little further from the truth, but I don't want to get all political right now).

I don't blame MM for his misconceptions. Your average barbecue-eatin', gas guzzlin' midwesterner probably knows more about Britney Spears that the Brittany region of France.

So let me take a few moments to clarify how the Tour de France is totally unlike NASCAR racing...

• In NASCAR, machines do all the work. In cycling, drugs do all the work.
  
  
• In a typical NASCAR race weekend, cars use 6,000 gallons of gas. In a typical Tour de France, the support caravan (team cars, team buses, race officials, ambulances, etc.) uses 6,000 gallons of gas.
  
  
• In cycling, riders maneuver left and right at high rate of speed down treacherous mountain switchbacks. In NASCAR, drivers turn left.
  
  
• If I miss coverage of a NASCAR race, I don't get upset. If I miss coverage of the Tour de France, I get upset. And when I get upset, people die.
  
  
• In NASCAR, drivers take pit stops. In cycling, riders strap on a feed bag.
  
  
• The Tour de France rolls through picturesque medieval villages and French countryside. NASCAR blasts through places like Atlanta.
  
  
• In NASCAR, speed is measured in miles per hour. In cycling, it's kilometers per hour. So, yeah, totally different.
  
  
• In NASCAR, the announcers have a hickish sounding accent. In cycling, the announcers have a refined and sophisticated sounding accent.
  
  
• In NASCAR, the race winner gets to burn rubber on the track. In cycling, the race winner gets to French kiss those two cute Crédit Lyonnais chicks.

tagged: racing, NASCAR, cycling, Tour de France, Brittany, Atlanta, mussettes

Support KC metro's newest pro-sports team

With the Royals assuming their usual seat at the bottom of their division, and the Chiefs gearing up for another lackluster season, we're kind of entering the dog days of pro-sports in this town.

But fear not, local sports fan. Starting Saturday, the metro area's newest pro sports team takes to the field, or rather road, when the 2008 Tour de France commences with it's first stage from Brest to Plumelec.

That's right, Kansas City's (well, Olathe's) hometown GPS house, Garmin, is the primary sponsor of the Garmin-Chipotle team (aka Slipstream).

Each summer I look forward to the Tour to fill the void created by crappy reality TV, lackluster baseball and lame sitcom reruns. This year I was pleased to see Garmin and Chipotle pick up the sponsorship of Slipstream, especially given the "clean cycling" mantra of the team.

In this case, clean cycling has nothing to do with lower carbon footprints or eco-friendly biofuels. Rather, it's the team's goal of trying to shed the shadow of doping that has darkened the world of pro-cycling for years.

It will be interesting to see how this team does. One of my favorite rising stars of the past few tours, Dave Zabriske, is on the team, but he suffered a serious crash in Italy, so I'm not sure if he'll be available for the Tour. That's a shame.

Otherwise, the team has a pretty good lineup Tour riders including some experience in David Millar, Magnus Backstedt and Christian Vande Velde, and it is headed by former pro Jonathan Vaughters.

Still given the focus on eliminating performance enhancing doping, it's questionable whether any of the team members will be on the podium when the Tour rolls in to Paris on July 27.

But if they can live up to their anti-doping philosophy, it's a team that Garmin can be proud to sponsor.



tagged: sports, cycling, doping, Slipstream, Garmin, Tour de France, Chipotle

Can't stand the Chiefs

A big tip o' the hat to PDSH who hepped me to this Yahoo! Sports link where the author cracks wise about the Kansas City Chief's new "Fan Code of Conduct."

In theory, it's not a bad idea, as you'd like your stadium to provide a friendly atmosphere for families and people who aren't drunken hooligans.

In practice, though, it might not be such a great idea, especially if the person responsible for coming up with the rules is an 85-year-old woman who teaches the 2nd grade and regards standing up as one of the evil things that young whippersnappers often do.

Indeed, the "code of conduct" expressly forbids "excessive standing" during the games. And good! Because frankly, I really get annoyed by people who stand at sporting events, so I'm glad the Chiefs are saying that excessive standing is prohibited.

Also, I agree that "foul, obscene" language is being banned. I mean, where is it written that people should have the freedom to speak as they please? What, do they thing they have some sort of right to free speech or something?

And, I applaud the chiefs for arming their workers with jack boots and billy clubs to make sure that fans aren't "failing to follow instructions of stadium personnel."

With these measures in place, I'm sure we as fans can look forward to an orderly, controlled, manageable, obedient season.

Yay.

tagged: sports, Kansas City, Chiefs, football, fan, conduct

YouTube Tuesday: strike two

With another looming strike on the horizon, the entertainment industry seems poised to shoot itself in the foot for the second year in a row.

Unfortunately for them, more and more people are learning how much they really don't need/want teevee programming.

Fortunately for us, some of those people are the artists who traditionally have created the content for stage and screen.

The latest luminary to eschew the Hollywood machine is Joss Whedon, creator of one of my favorite space westerns, Firefly. Whedon's latest project is a web-based short-form video miniseries called Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog.

The series is set to launch in the next month or so, and as this trailer shows, Whedon seems to be bringing some of the potentially striking SAG actors along for the ride.

This is going to be a lot of fun.


Teaser from Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog on Vimeo.

tagged: Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog, entertainment, actors, strike, web, video, vimeo, Joss Whedon, Neil Patrick Harris, Nathan Fillion

haiku

staycation over
back to work today, monday
please pass the coffee

RSS reader
has 900 messages
click "mark all as read"

tagged: work, coffee, staycation, Monday, haiku

Friday Blogthing: Marital arts

Ganked from General Blather... Though to be fair, I'm an AWESOME husband in any era!

126 As a 1930s husband, I am Very Superior Take the test!

tagged: Friday, blogthing, 1930s, husband, marriage, quiz, blog, meme

Restaurant review: in•gre•di•ent

Trying to break the monotony of lunch spots in south OP, I took my Supermodel Wife to the new Park Place strip mall at 115th and Nall.

We ended up, after my awesome parallel parking job, at in•gre•di•ent, a fancy new local joint with a second location in Lawrence.

in•gre•di•ent, 11563 Ash Street, Park Place @ 117th and Nall, Leawood

It's a great lunch spot with nice terrace seating as well as a clean indoor dining room. The atmosphere was contemporary with a walk-through ordering process, very much like an upscale, more contemporary version of Jason's Deli.

For lunch I had the daily special -- the Sicilian Melt with a side of tater chips. The sandwich was spicy and excellent, with generous portions of salami, pepperoni and provolone laced with tomatoes, pepperoncini and a pepper sauce all on ciabatta bread.

I especially liked the ciabatta, which was nice and chewy, the way I like my artisan (or as I say, "artisanal") bread.

My Supermodel Wife had the half-pizza and half-Caesar salad lunch combo. By all accounts, the pizza (Alfredo chicken) was excellent if a little too cheesy for her taste. The salad was good, although according to the missus, was a little heavy on the dressing.

Service was quick and friendly. We arrived early enough to beat the lunch rush, but there is definitely a lunch rush so be prepared to wait in line if you get there after 11:45.

Overall, it's nice to have a good lunch spot that isn't a chain restaurant. I felt good about supporting a local business and I also am a big fan of their tipping policy, which I think says a lot about the management of the place:

In order to maximize the value you receive from your visit to Ingredient, we do not allow tipping.

Instead of tipping, should you feel the need, we recommend one of the following: Give a few dollars to charity...Say Hello to a stranger...Pet a dog...Perform a random act of kindness...Put a quarter in a parking meter you see that is expired...Do something nice for yourself!

Rating: Become a regular.

tagged: food, restaurant, Kansas City, Leawood, Lawrence, Ingredient, lunch

Cock blocked

Sheeesh! It's getting to the point these days where you can't even enjoy a little recreational time with your cock.

Try and toss your chicken at a basketball game, and the PITA and animal lovers hate on you like you just drank the last beer at an Irish pride parade.

Now, the killjoys at the Johnson County Sheriff's Department are coming down hard on those who enjoy certain cock-centric sporting events.

A suspected cockfighting operation was raided Wednesday after a two-year investigation in rural Johnson County, the sheriff's department announced.

Deputies served a search warrant on a home in the 38700 block of West 151st Street. Authorities said they confiscated more than 170 fighting roosters and a large sum of cash.

Nevermind that the owners of fighting cocks take a great deal of pride in raising their cocks -- even going so far as to
suck the mucus out of them with their own mouths.

That, my friends, is dedication.

I tell ya, it just doesn't pay to be a bird fan these days.

tagged: cock, fighting, Johnson County, chicken, Sheriff, PITA

George Carlin R.I.P.

Like a lot of bloggers today, I'm bummed about the death of George Carlin at the age of 71.

So, like a lot of bloggers, I'm posting one of my favorite riffs of his, in memoriam.



tagged: death, George Carlin, football, baseball, YouTube, video, memorial

Guest Post: How to Turn Beef into Gold

Today's post comes from probably the wisest person in the world, my dad.

This is but the latest bit of knowledge I have received from him, which learning goes back to when I was 8 years old helping Dad with some plumbing and he enlightened me with the wisdom that "Shit don't flow uphill." Oh how I've observed this principal in action many times since.

Anyway, this latest lesson came when I requested his recipe for cooking a couple of beef briskets I've had in my freezer for a while. You see, among Dad's many talents are his skills as a chef. He's a true da Vinci of da grill, the Botticelli of Boston Butts, a veritable Frank Lloyd Wright of ribs.

The man's an artist is what I'm tryin' to say.

So here, I share this priceless advice with you.

OK emawkc — here goes. Not all original, but I claim it as mine!!

You see my son, the medieval alchemist, who sought to turn base metals into gold, should have tried barbecuing a brisket on your Good-One Smoker. The transformation of the meat is on the same magnitude of magic but much more successful.

GRANDPA EMAW’S ONE-DERFUL RUB

1 cup paprika
¼ cup ground black pepper
¾ cup brown sugar
2 tablespoons chili powder
2 tablespoons garlic powder
2 tablespoons onion powder
2 teaspoons cayenne

Mix well. This should be enough for an 8 to 12 pound packer-trimmed beef brisket or two 6 pound brisket flats—might as well smoke both while you’ve got it hot.

The night before you plan to BBQ, combine the rub ingredients, and apply evenly to briskets, massaging it into every little pore. (Save a couple tablespoons of the rub). Place brisket in a plastic bag and refrigerate overnight.

Before you begin to BBQ, remove the brisket from the refrigerator, let sit at room temp. for 45 minutes.

Water the smoker, start the charcoal, bring temp to 220 to 240 degrees Fahrenheit.

Into a sauce pan poor a glass of wine (reserve remainder of bottle for use during CYO), ½ cup cider vinegar, ½ cup water, ¼ cup corn oil, ½ cup finely minced onion, a couple minced garlic cloves, and some Worcestershire sauce and at least a table spoon of GPA’S ODF Rub.

Warm up this mop on top of smoker after the meat in cooking—don’t boil.

Put the brisket on the rack toward the rear of the smoker with the fat sides up. Now would be a good time to notice which direction the grain of the meat is going. It will need to cook about 1½ hours per pound of the larger brisket.

After it’s been on for a couple hours start to baste the blackening hunk with the stuff from the saucepan—about once an hour or so.

Be sure to drink some of the reserved wine every time you put basting on the hunk—after all, you have to Control Your Outlook on the whole process.

After meat is cooked, how ever long it takes, let cool at room temp for 20 minutes, then slice very thinly against the grain, and serve.

So now grasshopper, you have the secret.

But remember these words of wisdom: BBQ is only incidentally cooking, and one should avoid, as much as possible, confusing the two. BBQ is play—serious, mind-concentrating, important- risk- running, even exhausting--anything in fact, except a chore.

tagged: barbecue, brisket, Boston Butt, da Vinci, Frank Lloyd Wright, Botticelli, cooking