The resolution will be televised

To bring in the new year and to honor Samuel L. Jackson, here are my resolutions for 2008.

Now, I know you might find it shocking that someone as cool and together as myself has New Year's resolutions, but believe it or not, there are things that even EmawKC can improve upon. Forthwith - if I could have a little music, please...

At the top of my list: "Continue to kick ass"

And then I hope to "Be as bad as I know I can be."

Also, to "Really put it out there, and by it I mean EmawKC's mojo."

In addition, I plan to "Give it as good as I get it," "Be all that and more" and "Lose my shyness, vis a vis the rocket in my pocket."

Plus, I plan to "Work my voodoo on the lady fans," "Take a thorn out of some cat's paw" and "Build a shrine to my own bad ass."

Then it's time to "Give the demons what for," "Spare the rod and spoil the face" and "Continue to kick ass."

After which, I'll "Show the bad men what it's all about," "Release a dove from a ghetto rooftop" and "Cradle a newborn baby in the ruins of a church."

Finally, this year, I will "Stick it to all the suckas" and I'm gonna "Show the man that I mean business"

..and I'm gonna "Take a computer class."

tagged: New Year's, Resolutions, Samuel L. Jackson, pop culture

Random Photo VIII: San Francisco, 2005

Here's a shot I took of the breadbasket at Boudin Sourdough Bakery & Cafe, one of San Francisco's best tourist traps lunch spots.

I have to admit that Pier 39 isn't my favorite area of SF, but it makes for some good pics, no?tagged: photo, picture, San Francisco, Boudin, bread, sourdough

Friday Blogthing: A Long December

I know it's a little late, hell it won't even be this year before most of you see this one, but I caught this "December" music quiz on mental_floss and made a decent 80%.

Singin' 'bout December


Score: 80% (8 out of 10)

tagged: Friday, test, songs, December, knowledge, meme, blog

Happy Festivus

We're getting ready to make like a baby and head out. Going to western Kansas to visit the fams.

I'll see all you chumps next year. In the meantime...


tagged: Festivus, Seinfeld, George Costanza, Human Fund, Christmas

More holiday fun: Handbell Hero

Excellent KC-based interactive marketing agency VML produced this cool flash game Handbell Hero.

It's kind of like Guitar Hero, but without the poseurism and price tag. Try it out. I totally shredded Jingle Bells.

PS- The bell choir stars local blog queen Pensive Girl from They Pay To Kiss Your Feet. Well done, PG!



tagged: Kansas City, VML, online game, Guitar Hero, holidays, marketing

Friday Blogthing: For relaxing times, make it Suntory time

I know pretty much everyone had already done this one, but it is surprising how accurate it is. Suntory isn't my brand, but maybe I should give it a try...


tagged: Friday, test, booze, alcohol, whisky, Bill Murray, Lost in Translation, meme

I need help

They say the first step to getting better is to admit you need help.

Well here I am, admitting it. There are several problems I've been wrestling with lately, and I'm finally going to admit that I'm stuck.

So I'm reaching out to you, my (two) readers, to see if you can look into your hearts this holiday season and see your way to giving me some much needed assistance on these three problems that have been vexing me lo these many months.

• First, I gotta find a pillow that is comfortable. My supermodel wife recently threw out the pillow I've been using for the last few years. Part of me knows it was time to toss it, what with the smell of sweaty corn chips and all. But the pillows that have replaced it have either been too flat or too fluffy.
  
  You see, I'm a back sleeper. So I need to find something that isn't so thick that it pushes my head up so I'm looking at my feet, but it can't be so flat that it might as well not be there. Does anyone have a good pillow suggestion? I'm dyin' for a decent night's sleep.



• A couple of weeks ago I spent wasted 45 minutes trying to solve the puzzles on Guest House. If you're not familiar with this style of online game, it essentially a simple Flash program.
  
  Your character is placed in a room and your assignment is to get out of the room. The problem is there are no instructions. You have to not only find the clues, you have to decipher what the clues mean and what to do with the objects you find.
  
  Well, I figured out all of the clues. I solved the combination, turned on the respirator, got the soda can from the vending machine, put the fuse in the fuse box and even poured the soda down the mouth of the sleeping chick. And I still couldn't get the freaking door open. I must be missing something but I can't figure out what it is.
  
  If any of you computer game savants figure this out, do me a solid and drop me a hint in the comments section, because it's driving me crazy.


• Finally, I got this email earlier from Jon Swift, a very powerful and influential blogger who also happens to be one of the best and funniest writers out there. He's asking me, ME!, to send him what I think is the best blog post I've written this year for a year-end review.
  
  Problem is, it's hard for me to choose the best since I think they all kick ass. I'm leaning toward sending this recent post breaking down some new TV shows, only because it contains the phrase "pseudo-lesbian wire-fighting battles."
  
  But before I make my final decision, I want your input. So go back and read every single post I've written for 2007 and let me know which one kicks the most ass. (or you could just start with these, but it's not an exhaustive list.

That's it. I'd like to have these things buttoned up by COB on Friday (that's "close of business" for you non-corporate types), so get right on it, mmmmkay?

tagged: help, sleep, pillow, online game, guest house, blog, Jon Swift

3A.M. Poll: Gift emergency

Okay I know this is a little last-minute, but I'm completely stumped and I need a little input here.

You see, I've got just about all my Christmas shopping done. My supermodel wife, my kid, my parents and my brother... even got a present for the White Elephant gift exchange at work today.

But for the life of me I haven't been able to figure out what to get you. I've been everywhere, shopped for hours online, but nothing seems right. So throw an desperate shopper a bone here, will ya?

What's at the top of your gift list this year?



tagged: poll, Christmas, gift, list, kiss, Red Ryder, hippopotamus

Goin' downtown

Me and 17,000 of my best friends went to the K-State v. FAMU basketball exhibition at the Sprint Center last night.

You can read the Star's coverage of the event here.

It was a beautiful night to be downtown. We started our evening with a couple rounds at The Cigar Box just down Grand from the arena. It was a few blocks walk from where I parked in the Town Pavilion lot ($10, no waiting -- so much for the downtown parking doom sayers).

The place was packed when I got there to rendezvous with the rest of the group. Making my way through the bar, chest to back with all of the other patrons, remided me of my college days squeezing through a packed Rusty's Last Chance in Aggieville. But I digress.

The game was a predictable blowout, so that was fun. One of my favorite moments was the K-State fan flashing a poster on the scoreboard jumbotron which read "Bill Walker Pisses Excellence" -- a reference to the call of nature a few weeks ago.

After the game we capped the night at McFadden's across the street -- another packed house which led us to stand outside on the back terrace drinking our beers, reminiscing and making plans for next time.

It was a good night out.

Here are a few more pics.

I really like the way this shot of the exterior of the Sprint Center bowl turned out. It was taken with my kick-ass cell phone camera (2 megapixels, baby!).

Here's a shot of the inside of the glass skin, looking down from the top level concourse.
Here's a (fuzzy) view of the concourse from the escalator going to the top level. The guy we put in charge of buying tickets managed to score us seats FOUR ROWS FROM ETHE ABSOLUTE TOP!!! It was great once my nose stopped bleeding and I became accustomed to the thin air. Still the view was pretty damn good.



tagged: sports, basketball, K-State, KSU, Wildcats, FAMU, Sprint Center, Kansas City, downtown, The Cigar Box, McFadden's

Homecoming

As I sat on the pull-out bleachers in a general purpose building on a remote corner of Fort Riley, I wasn’t quite prepared for the emotion that was about to strike.

Certainly I was expecting some emotion. It was an emotional event. My brother-in-law Nick was returning with his command unit from a 15-month deployment in Iraq.

About 80 soldiers stood at attention while the ranking officer gave a short speech welcoming them home and thanking them for their service.

To his credit he only spoke for about a minute. And then, after 15 months in the desert and 30 hours on military and civilian airplanes, the soldiers embraced their families and friends.

It was very moving. I have to admit that even a crusty old cynic like me had moist eyes.

The joy was palpable. It a very genuine, understated flavor of joy mixed with a dash of relief that the soldiers were finally home.

But though it was understated, it was no less intense. Grown men had tears in their eyes and they hugged their comrades in arms goodbye and their families hello.

Buying Nick and a couple of his comrades lunch and throwing them a reception the next day was nice. But I'm sure it was nothing to them compared to just being home.



tagged: Iraq, war, deploy, family, homecoming, soldier, Fort Riley

Friday Feast

Hey, how about I do the Friday Feast this week?

Appetizer
Make up a word and give us its definition.
Multiple Sarkasm: A term I use for the media gush-fest that happened when the French elected Nicolas Sarkozy.


Soup
What is currently your favorite song?
Was, is and always will be Jimmy Buffett's Why Don't We Get Drunk and Screw.

Salad
What’s at the top of your Christmas wish list this year?
I want an official Red Ryder carbine-action two-hundred-shot range model air rifle with a compass in the stock, and this thing which tells time.

Main Course
Name a scent that reminds you of someone special in your life.
My grandmother always kept whole cloves in her purse and she would give them to us as mints. My guess it it's something she picked up as a young girl during The Depression when only the rich and powerful had access to TicTacs. Still, I can't smell cloves without thinking of my grandmother.

Dessert
Who is someone on television that you feel probably shouldn’t be, and why?
Omigod! The possibilities are endless! How about everyone on teevee between 9 a.m. and 6 p.m. Or how about a "contestent" on every Deal or No Dancing with America's Top Survivor Idol. But in keeping with theme, I'll just go with Larry Moore, for obvious reasons.

---

Here are alternative Friday Feast menus you might enjoy:

• Bea's Weblog
• Logtar's Blog
• Chimpotle
• ...and that's all I found. Leave a comment if you know of others.

tagged: meme, Friday Feast, television, Larry Moore, Jimmy Buffett, Sarkozy

Friday Blogthing: Christmas noeledge

I know more about Christmas than you'll ever forget!

You Know a Lot About Christmas

You got 8/10 correct You know tons about the history and traditions surrounding Christmas. When you celebrate the holidays, you never forget their true meaning - or all the little fun details. Random Christmas fact: Theodore Roosevelt banned Christmas trees in the White House.

How Much Do You Know About Christmas?

tagged: Friday, test, Christmas, holidays, history, knowledge, meme, blog

It's a Mangino-ful life

The geniuses at JibJab have created one of the coolest web widgets ...EVAR!

To prove this, check out the video I made using their Sendables widget. You might recognize a few local celebrities, such as KU Coach Mark Mangino in the lead role, KMBC news zombie Larry Moore, King Leonidas from 300 fame and Your's Truly (sans cigarette).

Enjoy. If you make your own version, be sure to leave a comment to let me know so I can check it out.

Don't send a lame Starring You!
eCard. Try JibJab Sendables!

PS- I think this is so cool that I didn't strip out the advertising code. Diggity!

tagged: video, Jib Jab, Larry Moore, Mark Mangino, Gabe Kaplan, holiday, It's a Wonderful Life

Best NY Post headline ever

Saw this on Best Week Ever.



tagged: Ike Turner, music, pop culture, news, headlines, NY Post

Probably because of their small sausages

According to a poll of 10,000 women travelers, German men make the worst lovers.

The survey results showed that women thought the Germans were too selfish in bed. But I have a different theory.


At any rate, good old red-blodded Amurcans came in as the fourth-worst lovers, so take that you damn dirty Dutch!

tagged: lovers, survey, German, American, Dutch, sex

Eat the rich

The other day, Dan linked to a relatively non-incoherent rambling on The Daily Koz website.

You can (try to) read it if you want, but to save you some misery I'll just say that the author sprawls on for about 400 column-inches with the same old claptrap about how Republicans suck and liberals rule, yada yada blah blah blah.

Dan keys in on this interesting tidbit:

"Note that we should not pretend that "a program will take your money." Or "the government will take your money." This is a democracy, and we are the government. I will take your money. I will. Some of that money you worked hard for and want to keep."

At first I just dismissed this as more deranged gibberish from someone suffering from liberal delusions.

But the rant stuck in my mind all week. And this morning while on my daily constitutional of kicking babies after taking my gold-crapping pills, I had an epiphany. Perhaps, like a blind squirrel, this mental defective had indeed stumbled onto a nut of truth.

And the more I considered it, the more I came to think he's right.

I mean, who the hell do these rich people think they are earning money and spending it for stuff they want?

What right do the rich have to keep the money they've earned? Hell, if it weren't for the government giving rich people all of their money, they wouldn't be rich in the first place.

When you think about it, the rich people's money is really the government's money, so hell yeah the government should take it back!

What country do these rich people think they're living in? If we, the people, don't take their money and give it to poor people, how do they expect poor people to survive?

While these living heart donors are busy callously running their businesses, earning their MBAs and paying attention to the education of their children, the poor are stuck in an endless cycle of not running businesses, not earning MBAs and not paying attention the educations of their kids.

Think about it rich people! We're talking about the poor here. If we don't use your money to take care of them, how are they going to reap the benefits of cable television and pay-in-advance cell phones?

Are you so dense and out of touch to think that they can take care of themselves? These are the poor we're talking about here. Oh sure, it would be nice if everyone had a high school diploma, but since when did we become a nation that discriminates based on education?

What we need is to end poverty in our country, and the cold truth is it's going to take your money to do it. And don't give me these out-dated chestnuts about giving a man a fish verses teaching a man to fish. Just pay for the kids' breakfast and let the educational system (which is working just fine, thank you very much) take care of teaching.

So come on rich people. Pull your heads out of your gold glitter-lined asses and vote for democrats!

tagged: rich, Republican, Democrat, politics, tax, education, poor, Daily Kos

Restaurant Review: LongHorn Steakhouse

We probably wouldn't ever have gone to LongHorn Steakhouse if we hadn't had our siding replaced last spring.

You see, we had a local home improvement company install the siding back in April/May. The project had a few significant bumps in it, the worst of which was a torrential rainstorm which struck before the contractors had re-installed gutters -- thus leading to a flooded basement and a pissed off me.

Though I was pissed, I couldn't really fault the contractors for the rain. But I could fault them for no gutters. And when, after the project was "finished" pieces of siding began to fall off our house, it was cause for me calling our rep and stating very firmly how unsatisfied I was and informing him that we hadn't yet paid the remainder of the $15,000 they were charging us.

Well after a few follow-up visits and a couple more phone calls, they got everything fixed up. To his credit, our rep made sure we were satisfied before requesting final payment. Part of that make-good, was a $50 gift cart at LongHorn Steakhouse.

So Sunday evening my supermodel wife and I finally were able to arrange for a baby sitter and scheduled a quick dinner date with each other.

My expectation of the chain restaurant wasn't high. I was basically expecting a western version of Applebee's, and that's about what we got.

My wife ordered the 7 oz filet, and I had the 7 oz filet with lobster tail. The filet didn't disappoint. It was maybe even worth the $18 price on the menu. Of course this is a steak house (granted, a chain steak house) so you would expect the steaks to be good.

Unfortunately, I couldn't say the same for the lobster. It was just okay, edible. I expected better, even 1,000 miles from the nearest ocean. Then again, my frame of reference is filet mignon and lobster at The Palms in New York. But still, it should have been better.

Luckily, the service was friendly and prompt. We had no trouble getting a table for two, although it was a Sunday night so that's no surprise.

In the final analysis, you could do worse than LongHorn Steakhouse. But you could probably do better.

Especially for $15,000.

tagged: food, steak, lobster, Long Horn Steakhouse, Applebee's, restaurant, review

YouTube Tuesday: Presidential debates

The so-called "YouTube debates" sponsored by CNN lately have been even more useless and immature than a conventional debate.

But come on, did anyone expect people dressed as snow men and Uncle Sam cartoons to actually advance the national discussion? If the mass of debaters had any balls they'd all walk out on this kind of "debate" in the future.

In fact, the most useful online debate format I've found so far is the one below. In this clip, candidates make the most important statements to date.

Check it out...




tagged: movie, YouTube, video, election, debate, president, humor

In your Facebook!

NOTE: This morning out of the goodness of my heart, I'm publishing a guest post from Awesome® blogger The D. This is just something I choose to do because I'm a helluva guy and I sometimes like to help the mortals by giving them a forum to discuss whatever is on their mind. This guest post has nothing whatsoever to do with an ill-considered wager a few months ago.

In our first installment of the ongoing battle between Facebook and Mspace.com, for the title of “Best social network”, Facebook won hands down. But in the rematch Myspace.com comes out swinging and it looks bad for the heavily favored Facebook.

For the past month I have been following the news stories and press releases about Facebook. Apparently, Facebook has a software program called Beacon that gathers your purchases from about 44 different web sites. Then it puts that information on your home page so that your friends can see your purchases.

HELLO! Can we all say privacy issues!

This article has a good example of what Beacon does:

"Let's say you buy a book from a particular book shop online, who happens to be an advertiser teamed up with Facebook. Facebook watches your action and puts it up in your news feed section announcing to your friends that you have bought “x” book from “abc” bookshop owner."

Or, let’s drop the whole book idea and let’s say you buy a "marital aid". Do you want that information published to all of your friends on Facebook? I think not!

One thing that article does not point out is that you don't have to be logged into Facebook for this action to happen. You don't even have to be a member of the network according to this article.

Here are a few articles that should shed even more light on the subject.

• This one talks about the HORRIBLE PR that Facebook has been using too extinguish the issue.


• This one talks about opting out of the program. The issue with the whole opting out thing is that you're just opting out of having your purchases put up in your news feed section on Facebook, your friends won't see your purchases, but your information is still collected by the program, and then given to the business partners of Facebook.


• MoveOn.org had a HUGE problem with this aspect of the whole controversy.


• If you want to sign the petition to stop Facebook from collecting your data go here


• If you don't want Beacon to even collect your data go here or here and follow those instructions. (I'm not condoning these instructions and I don't know if they will work or not. Furthermore, I can't guarantee that they won’t bust your machine.)

The winner for this round? Clearly it has to be Myspace by a landslide.

So after two rounds of Facebook vs. My Space we are currently all tied up at one apiece. Stay tuned for the third and final round.

tagged: Facebook, MySpace, beacon, marital aid, MoveOn, social networking, privacy

Friday Blogthing: We're gonna turn you on

I think this reading increases by an order of magnitude when I put on my wool coat and walk across the carpet.

360 WATTS Body Battery Calculator - Find Out How Much Electricity Your Body is Producing - dating
tagged: Friday, test, electricity, body, watts, static, meme, blog

The slow death of beer

According to my many inside sources at The Nielsen Company, the "Millennial" generation (those currently between 21-30 years old), are drinking 12 percent less beer than the more manly and mature Generation X (31-44-years-olds).

It appears the Millennials are opting more often for more girlie drinks like Pinot Grigio, Cosmopolitans and Appletinis.

This sounds like bad news for the beer industry, but there is a silver lining. According to the comprehensive study (which was conducted in the basement of frat house in Columbia), there is still a slight preference for beer among this generation.

• On a dollar basis, beer represents the majority (47%) of Millennial consumers’ spending, compared with spirits (27%) and wine (26%).
• On a volume basis, beer accounts for 83% of Millennials’ purchases, compared with 11% for wine and 6% for spirits.
• Among Millennials who drink different types of alcoholic beverages, beer is most often cited at their “favorite.”

So its clear that we still have a chance to save beer as the national beverage. But it's going to take us all working together.

We need to do a better job of communicating the benefits of beer consumption. These go far beyond making ugly women look sexy. Did you know that, according to a highly respected scientist, drinking homebrew is good for you, and what is commonly called a "beer belly" is, in reality, the body's storage system for wisdom and B vitamins.

The most important thing we can do is begin introducing beer consumption at an earlier age to America's youth. If you have kids of your own, or if your neighbors have elementary-age children, feel free to offer them a beer a couple of times a week.

Also, make sure to keep a couple of 12-packs or an open 40 in your call at all times, you never know when you'll be stuck in a traffic jam and this is the perfect opportunity for a communal beer bust while you wait for the authorities to cleanup that 15-car pileup.

Anyway, these are just a couple of suggestions. Like I said, it will take all of us to make a difference. Let me know what ideas you have.

tagged: beer, Millennials, alcohol, demographics, drinking, Nielsen, wine

3A.M. Poll: M-words

You know how some words just sound bad? They have this dissonance that grates on your aural nerves? It seems that a lot of them begin with M.

Or is it just me?



tagged: poll, M, words, vote, moist, mucus, membrane

Misty morning

News came out yesterday that no charges will be filed in the death of Misty Horner or her child.

The deaths, you may recall, occurred after the difficult stillborn delivery of the baby Sydney Horner in the family's home after they opted not to go to a hospital for the delivery. According to Misty's husband, who happens to also be a Lee's Summit police officer, the family refused medical help based upon their religious beliefs.

Misty's family said this refusal of medical help is what led to her death a month later from septic shock.

The KC Star reported that

Jackson County Prosecutor Jim Kanatzar said there were insufficient grounds for criminal charges in the deaths of Misty Horner and her baby, Sydney.

Kanatzar said the decision was made in part on the findings of a medical examiner who ruled the deaths were the result of natural causes, he said. But his decision also was based on standards behind Missouri’s involuntary manslaughter and child endangerment laws, he said.

Some people will be tempted to rant against this miscarriage of justice. Certainly it's easy to get emotional about this kind of story. If not for the backwards beliefs of a few misguided individuals, a mother and daughter might be alive and well today.

But few will take the macro view of this episode. Few will see that these events, while tragic, might well be for the better good of the human race.

Try to look at this from an evolutionary standpoint. The belief that prayer in the absence of science is the best hope for survival has proven in this case to be false. The baby ended up dead, and the ability of the mother to procreate was removed.

As for the father, something tells me his ability to find a suitable mate has been seriously diminished. He has essentially removed himself from the gene pool.

I know it makes me sound like an asshole. And don't get me wrong, I can imagine how upset Misty's family must be.

But let's be brutally honest. The fewer of Caleb Horner's ilk we have around, the better for human evolution.

tagged: Misty Horner, Caleb Horner, religion, science, evolution, natural selection, survival

YouTube Tuesday: Shocking

With the cold winter weather upon us, everyone in our family has donned the heavy wool winter coats.

This is good in that it keeps us warm. But it's bad in that it tends to lead to a huge buildup of static electricity.

My five-year-old came home from school yesterday in her wool coat, ran across the carpet and jumped up to give me a big hug. She also gave me a static shock that straightened my remaining hair.

It looked something like this:



tagged: static, electricity, high-voltage arc, Jacob's Ladder, winter, wool

Feetcicles

My freakin' feet are freezing!

They've been cold since I got out of the shower and I haven't been able to get them warmed up all day.

It's weird because I've been pretty comfortable from the ankles up. I've even had my shirtsleeves rolled up all afternoon.

But my toes are like icicles. Something tells me they're going to be cold until I crawl into bed tonight and put them between my supermodel wife's knees.

tagged: feet, cold, weather, wife, freezing

Another milestone

It was one of the proudest moments of fatherhood so far - right up there with our daughter's first words, first steps, first use of toilet without my help.

We were sitting on the living room floor playing the Scrabble Junior game she received on her fifth birthday a few weeks ago. She had just finished a play and had drawn two new letter tiles from the pool.

"I got a 'P,'" she exclaimed as she chose the second tile.

"Well," I said. "The bathroom is right over there. I'll wait for you."

A few seconds when by while her five-year-old brain processed my seemingly inappropriate response.

Then the amazing thing happened. Here face changed from a look of confusion, to sudden recognition as she "got" the word play, then a huge sincere smile.

That was followed by several minutes of uncontrollable laughter at my lame joke.

I couldn't help but laugh myself. Not at the joke, but at the fact that she got the punchline. Sure, she's laughed at jokes before but only because she knows she's supposed to, not because she really thinks it's funny.

When the giggling finally stopped, she said "Tell that joke again!"

But it was time to move on. I mean, I also have to teach showmanship. Always leave them wanting more.

tagged: family, joke, humor, pun, word play, parenting