Midnight myths in Manhattan

I returned from my business trip to the Big Apple yesterday and wanted to share my impression.

Stayed in The Millennium Hotel on Broadway, about half a block from Times Square. Nice hotel. Not great, but not grungy either. About what you'd expect for a 3-star hotel in Manhattan.

Now some caveats: First, it was raining the first night we were there and most of the next day. Second, I was in business meetings most of the time and didn't have a lot of time to site-see.

Having said that, I'm eager to return on a more informal basis to see what New York really has to offer.

Times Square? Not all that. Unfortunately, (and I don't know what I was expecting) the "busiest intersection in the world" is busy because of all the tourists. The tourists have attracted and are attracted by all the touristy businesses. I mean, do I really want to go to New York to eat at The Olive Garden?

The city that never sleeps? Another busted myth. My colleagues and I dined at a dim sum/sushi place the first night and then headed back to the hotel for a few after-dinner drinkies. After the hotel bar shut down, I went out in search of a nice blues or jazz club, since it was only about 1:30 or 2 a.m.

Granted, as I said earlier, it was raining slightly by this time. But as I walked around Times Square and the few blocks around my hotel, all I could find still open was a couple of Irish Pubs. I still had a few drinks, but unfortunately, no live music.

However, I did see one thing that I expected. As I made my way home, stopping beneath the pale glow of a streetlamp to turn my collar to the cold and damp (thank you Simon and Garfunkle), a silver sedan rolled by with the window down with a pair of "working girls" inside.

They offered to show me a good time for a price, which made me feel good. But since I had business meetings in a few hours, and since I was low on cash, and since I'm married and don't really roll that way anymore, I declined.

But it's good to see that I can still get a come on from the whores on 7th Avenue.

tagged: New York, Broadway, Times Square, Manhattan, Simon and Garfunkel, whores, Olive Garden

Perish together as fools

I know I should have something important to say today, MLK day.

But the truth is that the biggest impact it has on me is that I get the day off. Martin Luther King was a great American. Maybe the greatest. So it's appropriate to remember him the way we remember other great Americans like Lincoln and Washington. Unfortunately, as I've said before, I don't really think focusing on race is a good way to end racism.

Also, I'm not so sure that there is really a focus on ending racism on this day. For some reason, I get the feeling that it's all about political opportunism and power grabbing.

The excellent blogger at Tony's Kansas City has a great post about the real meaning of MLK day (along with some impressive eye candy, as always).

One of my favorite lines...

All of the senseless speeches and scenes of churchgoing today is so much propaganda that we all tolerate in the name of diversity. I contend that the only unifying principle of the whole day is that almost everyone finds the platitudes about racial equality laughable.

So I guess I'll enjoy the day off, hit a few sales and get some projects done around the house. I know, I'm an arsehole.

tagged: race, black, Martin Luther King, MLK, Lincoln, Washington

Icing on the cake

We celebrated an historical event yesterday.

For the first time in 31 games, my alma mater Kansas State Wildcats defeated in-state rivals KU Jayhawk on the basketball court. Final score, 59-54.

But it came after a long 31 games. That was the losing streak. The longest intraconference losing streak in college basketball.

Such an event demanded celebration, so in honor of the victory (which neither of us had anything to do with personally), my supermodel wife and I went out for diner with some inlaws at the excellent Genghis Khan Mongolian Barbeque.

Genghis Khan is situated right across the street from KU Med Center in KCK. It's a pretty popular restaurant district so parking was pretty tough to come by. I mention this because it's a central fact to what happened after our dinner.

We take our time dining. I wear my K-State pullover and get a few comments from some KU boosters, all very gracious in defeat.

But when we're done with dinner, I'm taking our tired three-year old out to the car while my supermodel wife pays the tab (hey, I'm a modern guy). So on the way to the car, I have the great pleasure of seeing one of KCK's finest standing guard near a red BMW that is illegally parked (since there was no where else to park, see I told you that was important. What? You didn't believe me?).

As I walk past the police officer, three-year-old in hand, he nods toward the BMW as he barks "This ain't your car, is it?"

I take another quick look at the BMW to make sure I'm not confusing it for our silver Honda CRV and that's when I notice the KU vanity license plate.

Glancing a the K-State logos on my pullover I reply simply, "Nope," with a big smile on my head.

K-State beats the Jayhawks and a KU alumn gets his beamer towed.

Icing on the cake.
tagged: K-State, KSU, Wildcats, KU, Jayhawks, basketball, BMW, Kansas City, Genghis Khan

Drug of choice

Dave at To Be The Man writes that he has vowed to give up caffeine and quit going to Starbucks this year.

My only question is... Why Dave? What do you got against caffeine?

Among all of the addictive substances, caffeine is pretty minor. I mean, it is the most popular drug in the world. Ninety percent of Americans consume it in some form every day. And besides, you're not really at risk for any long-term affects of too much caffeine.

Long-term effects of a toxic nature do not appear evident when regular caffeine use is below about 650 mg a day - equivalent to about eight or nine average cups of coffee.

So what, is it just the financial impact of having coffee at Starbucks? Is that it?

If so, let me direct you to a recent article in The Slate that might ease the financial pain while allowing you to continue to imbibe in your vice. According to the article:

They will serve you a better, stronger cappuccino if you want one, and they will charge you less for it. Ask for it in any Starbucks and the barrista will comply without batting an eye.

The drink in question is the elusive "short cappuccino"—at 8 ounces, a third smaller than the smallest size on the official menu, the "tall," and dwarfed by what Starbucks calls the "customer-preferred" size, the "Venti," which weighs in at 20 ounces and more than 200 calories before you add the sugar.

The short cappuccino has the same amount of espresso as the 12-ounce tall, meaning a bolder coffee taste, and also a better one.

So, Dave, don't give up on the dream. You can and should stay addicted to coffee. Quick, get me a shot of espresso. Make it a double.
tagged: coffee, caffeine, Starbucks, venti, drug, cappuccino, espresso

Would you like Pommes Frites with that?

I'm a huge fan and avid reader of the waiter's Waiter Rant. This guy really has a great writing style, and I feel like when I'm reading it I have to be careful or -- as Bill Cosby would say -- I might learn something.

So I'm pretty excited to be taking a business trip to Manhattan next week. With any luck, I'll be able to get a reservation, meet the waiter and leave a nice tip.

Does that make me sound like a stalker?

Anyway, I have just one small qualm with the waiter, and it has more to do with the restaurant he works at. He has mentioned many times that it's an Italian restaurant that serves Tuscan cuisine. Why then is it called "The Bistro"? Isn't "bistro" a French term?

In my view, it would be more authentic to call it a "trattoria" or "osteria"? Granted, I'm neither an restaurant owner, nor Italian. I'm just sayin'.

Anyway, if you have any suggestions of places to eat/things to see in Manhattan (I'll be staying near Times Square), let me know, just in case this Bistro thing doesn't work out.

tagged: waiter, waiter rant, bistro, Manhattan, Times Square, New York, Bill Cosby

Evil Kyle

I bumped into my friend and co-worker Kyle near the elevator in the parking garage the other day. Literally, I was walking along reading my cell phone, not watching where I was going and I bumped into him.

Sorry dude.

Anyway, I hadn't seen Kyle in a few weeks, maybe even a month, so it surprised me to see that he had grown a goatee.

Then it struck me. Remember all of those old Star Trek episodes where the crew would enter some kind of alternate universe and meet their evil doubles, and you could tell which one was the evil Capt. Kirk because he had a goatee?

Same thing happened with Kyle. Turns out it was the Evil Kyle, and I bumped into him as he was planning to take over as evil overlord. The only problem is that the Evil Kyle really isn't that much more evil than the ordinary, everyday Kyle.

So Kyle, in an effort to help your career as an evil overlord, here's a link to some helpful advice from Peter Anspach, an aspiring evil overlord himself.

Here are a couple of my favorites:

• "My Legions of Terror will have helmets with clear plexiglass visors, not face-concealing ones." (That's just obvious)
• "I will make sure that my doomsday device is up to code and properly grounded." (Good advice for all do-it-yourself projects)
• "I will not gloat over my enemies' predicament before killing them." (Mama always said good manners were important)

I'm sure a lot of people have already seen this, but hopefully, you'll remember me and my help when you have achieved your goal of ultimate domination.

Cheers.

tagged: evil, humor, funny, goatee, overlord, Star Trek, Captain Kirk

I get it

It took me a while, and I'm not even blond. I have to admit that the best blond joke ever that Blandwagon links to it pretty freakin' funny.

If you've already heard/read this one, please don't give away the punchline. If you haven't check it out. It's hilarious.

tagged: Blonde Joke, Humor, funny,

Nattering nabobs

The leader of a women's group in Pennsylvania has just set her own cause back at least 15 years.

According to the Associated Press, the leader of the Pennsylvania chapter of NOW thinks Penn State's coach for the last 40 years should retire because he wasn't critical enough of the actions of a player of another team.

The bitter shrew, named Joanne Tosti-Vasey, understood the senile Joe Paterno's incoherent gibberish as a voice in support of Florida State linebacker A.J. Nicholson, who was accused of sexual assault before the Orange Bowl.

The AP quoted Paterno as saying

"There's some tough -- there's so many people gravitating to these kids. He may not have even known what he was getting into, Nicholson. They knock on the door; somebody may knock on the door; a cute girl knocks on the door. What do you do?"

Nicholson was sent home and not allowed to play in the game. So much for innocent until proven guilty. I guess I'm a little touchy about the subject because a similar incident that happened to K-State QB Ell Roberson during the 2003 Fiesta Bowl. Roberson was later cleared of the accusation, but many (including myself) attribute the fiasco to the lackluster play that allowed Ohio State to squeak out a win that year.

All that is beside the point, since it was a pretty innocuous statement by Paterno about a player that isn't even on the Penn State roster.

Tosti-Vasey should ratchet down a few notches from Sphincter Level 10 and put her efforts toward something that could really help her cause, like adopting an even-tempered rational demeanor, avoid making mountains out of mole hills, and desist from flying off the handle.

Whether Paterno should retire or not is another question.
tagged: Penn State, Paterno, Orange Bowl, NOW, K-State, Roberson

One word: Plastics

So we're sitting around on new year's eve - or rather, I'm sitting around while my Supermodel Wife and my neighbor's wife clean up after dinner - when I was hit with my next million dollar idea.

Indicator Plastic Wrap.

Now, stick with me on this. The neighbor pulls our some plastic cling wrap to cover some dishes of leftovers. My wife, being fashion conscious as always, had bought green-colored plastic wrap for the holidays. The neighbor hadn't seen this before and wondered if there was something special about it.

I said that it starts out green and turns clear over two weeks, so you know how long your leftovers have been in the fridge. My neighbor was amazed.

Even though I was putting her on, that is a great idea. Why not have some kind of indicator strip that shows how long the plastic has been in the fridge? You could do it with plastic wrap, freezer bags, even plastic bottles of milk, juice, etc.

So anyway, I'm working on making this idea happen. Of course this idea, like all other content on this blog is copyright to me and I retain all rights to the development of this product.

If you want to buy it from me, post a comment with you contact info and I'll be in touch.
tagged: plastic, plastic wrap, cellophane

Nascarpe Diem

It looks like the Mullet Powers That Be have decided Kansas City isn't quite hick enough to be home to the Redneck Hall Of Fame.

According to the NASCAR high-ups, the stock-car racing organization has chosen to stay with its Southern white redneck roots for the NASCAR Hall of Fame, instead of going with the Midwestern white rednecks in Wyandotte County.

I have to say that, even though it means the loss of billions of beer-soaked bucks, I'm a bit relieved that this project is missing this area. It's bad enough having to look at all of the NASCAR billboards and NASCAR hats and seeing the NASCAR commercials on every cable channel and hearing all of the NASCAR talk on the radio.

I'm sure there are a lot of people who follow and enjoy this so-called sport - hell, there are even some in the redneck branch of my own family. I guess this post speaks more about me than it does about them.
tagged: NASCAR, racing, Kansas City, redneck